Triple Take

According to internet rumors, Fidel Castro died yesterday, 11/25/2016, at age 90.  In unrelated news, Florence Henderson died 11/24/2016 at age 82.  And having seen the internet all atwitter about his death, Fidel Castro laughed himself to death shortly after the rumors began circulating.  The rumors were confirmed by a text break-in on NBC during the Late Night show with Seth Meyers.

Now we’re waiting for the answers to several questions.  Who will take over as Cuba’s new leader?  Will Cuba switch to a democratic government?  Will someone finally show Cuba the money?

And here’s one for all you students of Supernatural: Will Sam and Dean have to re-kill Castro like they did Hitler? No, that’s not actually my question. Before the sun came up in Florida, Cuban-American residents were celebrating in the streets. But as soon as the announcement was made, I recalled the death of Florence, and started to wonder, whose soul will be harvested next? And will their first name start with F?

The reason I speculated immediately was because of a theory about how the supernatural realms seem to work. Deaths seem to happen in threes. (thanks, @PhilHaney.)  The ones that intrigue me aren’t so much the boring ones, like when a plane crashes or whatever.  The ones that intrigue me are the ones where the public figures are all famous in different areas.  A political figure.  An entertainment figure.  A religious figure.  Robin Williams doesn’t count- he was all three at once.

But if you need death to take two to go with Robin Williams, how about Spock’s wife T’Pring?  Arlene Martel played that role and was excellent at it.  She played several brilliant characters, and she died the day after Williams.  She was beautiful, no denying it.

But in that role, she played a complete bitch.  Look at that photo.  Spock was going to bang that gong. He was going to hit that, metaphorically and logically speaking, and she wasn’t having any of that.  That hand says “NO!”  And look at his face.

Spock and T'Pring

Spock (unspoken) :  What the fuck?! BITCH!!  Now what am I supposed to do with all this pon farr?

She was his wife, he had come back after a long space voyage looking for some logical, close-quarters social interaction, and figured he’d charm her with his flawlessly lubricated logic, beautiful eyebrows and perfect ears.  She’d respond with her own flawlessly charming, steaming, wet logic, and a while later she’d give birth to a logical kid.  Named “Mac.” (intosh… like the Apple, meh it was funny when I first thought of it.)  But no.  She wants him to prove himself, or die trying, and she’s already picked the other guy and an expendable “second,” for the duel.  God knows what she’s already done with Stonn, but logic could guide a guess, because she doesn’t care what happens to either Spock or the second, but Stonn is not to be damaged.    And the second?  James (Jim) T. Kirk.

Fucking BITCH!  So, Spock, you want to do the logically nasty with THIS?  Then give up your career, forget your Star Fleet Academy training, kill your best friend, and then I’ll decide if you’re worthy.  If you won’t leave him for me, you can’t have it.  There are marriages about like that.  Is any woman really worth all that?  After being forced to fight his best friend until Dr. McCoy said, “Damn it.  Jim!  He’s Dead!!” or something like that, Spock’s head cleared from being logically hot and horny and he decided, logically, that he didn’t want anything to do with her.  In my fan-fiction in my head, Nurse Christine Chapel came in a close second and Lieutenant Nyota Uhura captured Spock’s heart with her completely illogical love song.

It was a shocking turn of events, because Spock was favored to fall for Chapel because of her voice’s amazing similarity to the ship’s computer voice.  But in the end, Majel Barrett-Christine Chapel Siri-Prime Vox ex Machina got Rodenberried.  Rodenmarried?  Did some Gene-splicing without a test tube?

Uhura.  In the original series, Kirk kissed her and we all knew something was wrong, because in our hearts, whether we were consciously aware of the knowledge or not, Uhura was destined for Spock.  But Kirk… pushy… obnoxious… ham…  KIIIIRRRRRKK!!!  kissed her, right on the TV, and all the segregationists died a little inside.  If only they had all just died that day.  But alas, Uhura’s magic spell didn’t go far enough.  If it had been Spock, they all would have died in a fit of hot logic, and the whole world would have been a better place.  But Kirk kissed all the girls in space, and then abandoned them.  It was in the script.  Nichelle Nichols is a decade older than my mum, and I’ll be damned if she’s not STILL hot.   You can soft-focus Chapel or Arlene’s T’Pring and they’re still not as hot as Nichelle’s Uhura at any age.

Oh.  You still don’t believe in the three, because I haven’t mentioned the third.  If Arlene wasn’t famous enough, how about Take 3:   Lauren Fucking Bacall?  Died the same day as Arlene.  Lauren Bacall was sultry, mysterious and sexy:

Makes a person wonder what else she knows how to do, doesn’t it? Bacall was married to Bogart, and she kept him until he died. She kept the guy whose name would become synonymous with stealing someone else’s girl, or being a tough guy, and he was completely hers, and complete putty in her hands. She was a movie star, before the movies became dime-a-dozen you can watch twenty four hours of different ones for a year and only scratch the surface. And she was good at that sultry, powerful and in control sex symbol thing. Oh, yeah, she inspired women to go to Hollywood and try to be stars, and not only that, she inspired songs:

There’s your three for Mr. Robin Williams. Lauren Bacall, and Arlene Martel. Although they were all talented actors, still it begs the question, if a famous actress and a politician die within a day of each other, and if their first names both start with F, will someone famous in another line of work, perhaps religion, whose name starts with F, die shortly?

I’ll be checking but I won’t watch it on the news until Mrs. M turns it on.  I might miss it.  If it happens, let me know in case Mrs. M. turns ME on.  That Pon Farr, it’s a logical, but mind-affecting thing.  I totally get that.  So honestly, if I miss the third celebrity “F” in favor of an episode of Deon Pon Farr, well then, “F”-it.  I think I’ll probably be able to catch up.  But nevertheless, let me know.  If she throws in a demand that I quit my job, that will be no problem.  But if she throws in a demand that I kill my best friend, she’ll have to tell me who the fuck that is.  I have no idea.

In an unrelated note, I need a best friend.  Anyone up for the job?  I may have to kill you, but so far no one has been harmed in the making of prior episodes and flare-ups of Deon Pon Farr.  Except Deon.  I took a right elbow to the eye once…  And it was TOTALLY WORTH IT.

Earthquake, Erosion, Erasure

Earthquake, Erosion, Erasure
11/19/2016, Deon Mumple


I hate the world I didn’t create,
Destructive wind and rain and fate
Where time and death chip the veneer,
Sometimes stealing what I hold dear
The teacup falls, just slips away
Things fall apart, more to replace
There’s no purpose.  Nothing to learn
Teacups and treasures will all burn
So though I wish I could hold on,
One day it’s here, the next, it’s gone

I hate the world the world creates,
Religio-political debates,
We fall apart, can’t be replaced,
Treated cheaply, then just erased
Economics boils down to hate
Selfishness sets the interest rate
Relationships corrode and rust
Friendship, an endangered genus
Everyone lies, no one to trust
While lives, like teacups, chip to dust

I hate the world that I create,
I try to hope, but loathe the wait
The waste of time, supplanted goals
Broken, empty teacups, life’s tolls
I want to love, but need it more
Accounts deplete, though I adore
Sometimes I think my life is lies,
See?  Every year the garden dies.
The effort, worthless, Is it true?
Though worth nothing, I still love you.

Your Opinion Is Irrelevant

We are delusional.  I don’t mean seeing things that aren’t there.  We can see things pretty clearly.  I mean believing things that aren’t true.  We get told what to think, and we’ve been taught to believe lies.

In America we were told that we live in a democracy, where everyone’s opinion counts and everyone has the right to free speech.  Look at the First Amendment to the Constitution:

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

We’re told that public opinion is shifting, and we’re fed numbers that are supposed to support the premise.  But if the opinion polls are any indication, it’s always been clear that “figures don’t lie, but liars figure.”

Before the presidential election, I mocked the polls because they took a sampling of about 800 people and used that to predict the results, and I mocked the news media because that was the poll they chose to report about.  I mocked it because the sample the pollsters took was 0.00024461538 out of every 100 Americans.  The Powerball lottery odds are currently o.00000034223 out of 100.  (that number means nothing to my argument, but wasn’t it interesting to think about why I would put that in here?)  I don’t know about you, but once the numbers slip past three decimal places, I don’t think much of the chances of me and 99 other people being the winners of the big prize, or of the polls being right.

I value my privacy, so when I was asked to tell who I was going to vote for, I declined.  They ask me every election cycle.  Once in the last 10 years I gave a pollster my honest opinion, and decided thereafter to keep it private.  After all, when you vote, you’re in a little box and no one can see who you’re choosing.  I barely had time to vote, much less talk to a pollster.  I’d only be feeding them a number to skew, so it feels pointless to me.

So we’re told the public opinion is shifting, and that may be true.  Or maybe we’re being told public opinion is shifting and what direction it’s going, just to see if it will sway our own opinions.  I believe what I believe, and it doesn’t shift like sand at the ocean, or a boat deck.  Maybe people just vote their frustrations and their feelings at the time of voting.  Maybe, after years of Republican presidents and idiotic sound bytes in the news, we were sick of the stupidity and had the perception the president didn’t really give a shit about the American people, so we elected Obama.  Maybe, after years of failed policy and increases in health care expenses (mine will increase by $100.00 per fucking paycheck this coming year, while my salary goes up by $0.00 per fucking paycheck.  $2,600 I have to figure out how not to spend next year, that I spent, carefully, this year.)

We’re told that evolution and global warming aren’t just scientific theories beside other scientific theories.  We’re told they are science.  You can tell me they’re based on science, and I can tell you that they’re theories based on certain data samples, and that they ignore other data samples, or they are theories based on data the scientists wish was there.   Sometimes what we hear leads us to opinions we believe strongly, and sometimes we just want to believe.  But, read about how science and scientific journals have been set up to fail in any of the articles linked here.  If science is proven to be bad science by others trying to verify the findings using good science, maybe other scientific theories we’ve accepted as fact are based on bad science, inadequate sampling, and fraudulent data made to look like it supports someone’s pet theory or some desired public opinion sway.  Here’s one that was published and then very publicly retracted.  It was retracted because someone tried to duplicate the experiment and didn’t get the same results.  But the “scientist” who published the result “data” from the original “experiment” got published!!.  Before the journal called the “scientist” on their bullshit data and it was retracted.  Read the whole little novella and a little more interesting data here.  Were you paying attention when that happened?

It would have been  fantastic social science if it was true, but instead it’s another one of those papers that tell people how the writers think they should think, not what they actually think.  So with that in mind, do you really trust the social engineers who make money every time someone buys into global warming theory because they invest in the new improved products that are supposed to reduce our ‘carbon footprint?’  If it’s true, how did humans manage to not go extinct sooner if we really have been on the planet, evolving, polluting, and destroying the environment, for the six million years “scientists” yammer on about, with dubious proof and no extant “missing links” in between so-called evolutionary progressions?

For fucks sake, they used to live in caves or little huts, and some would burn literal animal shit for fire to COOK with.  Where was all the e.coli death back then to wipe out all of humanity?  We didn’t have modern plumbing so guess where they handled that business?  Modern plumbing has proven just EXCELLENT for both human civilization and the environment in recent years.  Just look in Flint, Michigan.  Oh, tell me the industrial revolution in the 1800s started the destruction even though our ignorant ancestors had been working on it since six million years earlier, but our oh-so-fragile planet, suddenly now, in the immortal words of Star Trek’s engineer Mr. Scott, ” cannae stand the strrrain?”



In an era when you can publish whatever fabricated bullshit you feel like , until you get caught, or even after that, it’s magnificent “science,” isn’t it: “Sure, there are several climate theories, but a select few who call themselves the majority, in agreement with the people who call themselves ‘the only reputable scientific authorities,’ have decided that the media and mainstream scientific community can only believe and promote this one theory, and all other opinions or theories, being deemed by said ‘majority’ and ‘scientific community’ as ‘unscientific,’ can shut the fuck up.”

There have been magnificent examples of plagiarism (e.g., Fareed Zakaria) and fabricated bullshit (e.g., Jayson Blair) in the news community and the literary community.  Even in the blogging community, if you read certain fucking awesome blogs , and that’s only one example because on his blog there’s been documented plagiarism, and if you read certain other, lame blogs, there’s lots of fabricated bullshit.  So who can you really trust as an “authority” or a “source of original material?”

But if the “mainstream” scientific community is right about the age of the earth, global warming, and environmental destruction, how the fuck were we not all dead long ago?  Back when people knew far less science, they should have killed us all if the world was really all that old, feeble and frail.  Do you trust the social engineers who sell you evolution theory and try to shout over, and silence, anyone who believes any alternate origin theories?  Really, that’s a great foundation for a solid education:  “Sure, there are several origin theories, but a select few who call themselves the majority, in agreement with the people who call themselves the only reputable scientific authorities, have decided that teachers can only teach this one theory, and all other opinions or theories, being deemed by said ‘majority’ and ‘scientific community’ as ‘unscientific,’ can shut the fuck up.”

Oh, I have traveled far afield from where I was going.  So, back to the Constitution.  But this social engineering is an experiment of its’ own.  When the Constitution was written, literate people knew what the writers meant.  When the amendments were written, literate people understood the purpose.  But in the modern era, words don’t mean what they mean, because everything is up for interpretation.  I mean, seriously, what “is” this?

Or, to put it another way, what the in-a-present-state-of-existence,-existant, real, fuck?

When *I* read the First Amendment, I understood it saying that Congress can’t establish a state religion, or tell people how they ought to worship.  But that’s only because I’m not a damned lawyer.  In the historical context of writing, King Henry VIII had done both of these things.  He wanted to fornicate, (according to His contemporary Church’s laws and traditions, which to him weren’t just contemporary, but also contemptible) but the church authorities wouldn’t give him divorce papers.  So he did what any self-respecting church-disrespecting king did.  He started the Church of England and thumbed his nose and flipped a couple of birds at the Pope.  Not the ONLY reason, but certainly one of many straws that nearly broke the beast with two back’s balls.  Of course you know the difference between King Henry VIII and and a Bactrian camel.  One is a huge two-toed beast with two humps who can carry you through the desert, from hell to breakfast, and the other is a huge Tudor beast with two backs who wants to hump (SIX wives plus affairs?!) without being condemned to hell with no Brexit.  I mean “exit.”

Because of a modern interpretation of the First Amendment, (Engel v. Vitale) we damn well can’t have organized prayers in the public schools, (here in the “land of the free,” where “Congress shall make NO laws,” but the Supreme Court bloody well did) even if they are student organized and led.  We also have to have fucking “holiday” concerts because heaven forbid we should fucking say “Christmas” at a school.  You don’t even pronounce the Christ part, and many just say X-mas, which nobody really likes.  On the one side it’s too big a compromise, and on the other, not enough.   “It’s Fall Break” because some idiot is afraid to say “Thanksgiving”vacation.  And “Spring” Break, because the same idiot is afraid to say “Easter” break, which doesn’t even mention Jesus’ resurrection or his name in it.  You can now mention any other religious or man-made holiday celebration or tradition, just not the Christian ones.  But somehow, we did fine for 171 years, brainwashing our children with recitations of The Lord’s Prayer, other prayers from the Bible, and other prayers offered by school personnel and students. Here’s a quick excerpt from an article about colonial Williamsburg, about how they damaged the fragile psyches of the children:

Well, shit.  Just go to the link.  Their own internal links aren’t attached.  Since I couldn’t get to the terms of use or copyright stuff, I won’t quote it because who wants to be accused of being a fucking plagiarist.  Only serious journalists and writers would ever want that.  My research says back then, they read from a primer with prayers and questions and answers about God.

G-fucking-O-fucking-D!!!!  Be afraid, fucking self-styled anti-religion-unless-it’s-an-inoffensive-or-cool-or-currently-hot-topic-type-of-religion censors.  And yes, gentle readers, it was the God of the Traditional 66-Book Old and New Testament Bible we’re talking about here, and deep, heavy, philosophical questions to think about.  Shit like:  What is the chief end of man?  In the modern age, people who don’t read wouldn’t have the first clue what that means, much less have the cognitive ability to understand the answer.  Illiterate savages.  Q: What is the chief end of man?  A:  Duh, I don’t know. His ASS?  But back then, fourth graders, maybe even younger kids, knew what it meant, knew they had a unique and special purpose in life, knew the other questions all by heart, knew the answers, and knew where to find verses that proved the point  in their family Bible.  Why are people in the 2K years idiots?  Because they don’t read EVERYTHING, and they should.  Contrary opinions build stronger apologists with better apologetics.  And the more you read, the more you understand what you read.

When *I* read the Second Amendment, I understood it saying people have the right to own and carry guns, period.  In the historic context of writing, we had fought for independence from England, after King George the Turd…  I mean, um, King George III had attempted to restrict citizens of the colonies. (oh, check the King George III link out, THAT’S GOOD scholarship.- Thanks, David Koppel, and I hope you don’t mind me directing people toward you and your writing.)  The writing of both first and second amendments were clear attempts to say that our United States would NOT be framed and built like England, but rather, we would have personal rights and freedoms that wouldn’t be restricted by an intrusive government.

“A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.”

But alas, in the modern era there are apparently nuances of implication, intent, meaning, historical contextualization and language that we commoners are far too simple minded to figure out for ourselves, so the government has stepped in and interpreted that church and state should be separate even though people obviously practice their religious practices and believe their faiths while working in government offices and schools.  So we now have what’s bordering on separation of church FROM state, depending on which religion you practice.  It’s a double-standard, though.  If you want to take extra breaks at work to pray toward a city that’s significant in your religion, say, 42° 26′ 05″N Latitude, 83° 59′ 06″W Longitude, as long as you meet your performance metrics like everyone else at your company, that’s fine, but if you want to say, “If I’m free to exercise my religion I don’t have to do something that is an offense to me as a practitioner of my faith,  you get told “tough shit, you have to do that,” and you get insulted, called names, and you get death threats.  You don’t get the option of practicing your religion at work, unless your religion is unobtrusive, invisible, or currently popular and socially acceptable to defend.  Even in the schools, if you make a work of art that has religious overtones, it depends on what it is.

Why are there “nuances of [blahblahblah, you lost me long before “nuances,” Deon, will this article EVER end?]?  Why?  Because someone wants us to believe that everything is open to interpretation.  Like the linguist who wants to dissect words and define what the meaning of the word “is” is so all of us uneducated shitheads can understand.  Or so all us angry souls who want things made right, when they weren’t done right in the first place, will be so confused we give up on our impeachment processes or inquiries.

We are ignorant, illiterate savages.

People are going to believe what they believe, it doesn’t necessarily make it “absolute truth.” For example, I just read that Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson was named “Sexiest Man Alive” for 2016, by the people at People magazine.  He has a kind of appeal.  Even a guy would appreciate his masculine bad-ass-ery.  Having said that, I’m sorry, Mr. Johnson. Shemar Moore (you’re welcome, “babygirls”) still surpasses you, for me. Sure. you’re both smart and funny and nice, and you both certainly fit the fitness category, so really, you’re both beautiful specimens of manhood; don’t get me wrong. Shemar is just smooth. I shouldn’t really explain it any more than that.  I never watched The Young and the Restless, but I have watched Criminal Minds and Diary of a Mad Black Woman…


I’ve seen Hercules, The Mummy Returns, The Scorpion King, and they were awesome. You’ve seen the Fast and Furious series, and other movies.  I can look at The Rock and say, “He’s really cool,” but I look at Shemar Moore and I think, “damn, that’s a sexy man.” And then, it comes down to perception, because the “absolute truth” is that I’ve been the sexiest man alive for every year since I turned 18, but the press doesn’t know me. Don’t ever tell them. They’d be going on scavenger hunts to find my damn bunker. Don’t you fucking dare.

In other science news, Thus spake the Prophet, “We’re all going to die.” That’s right, Stephen Hawking hath prophesied. And not to be grim and sardonic about it, but he sounds a lot like Glum from the old animated cartoon Gulliver’s Travels, which I am far too young to remember. Glum used to say things exactly like Stephen Hawking’s prophecy: “We’ll never make it! We’re all gonna die.”  And then they  made it and nobody died.  But  from the brilliant mind of Stephen, the prediction is that we have less than a thousand more years before someone fucks up so badly that we all become extinct as a species. OR, a giant asteroid will come and play bumper pool with Earth, whereupon, “we’re all gonna die.”

I respect Stephen Hawking.  He’s far more intelligent than most of us but in the interest of sharing scientific theories, I have an alternate, non-scientific one. We have at least 1007 years, give or take as to when that first year starts, and how long the wrap-up at the end of that takes. My theory is from two sources. First, John on Patmos (Revelation 20) who said, before he promised that there will be a new heaven and a new earth, that Christ himself would rule on this present earth for a thousand years. Second, it’s really too much to write here but Daniel and Jesus both promised it’s coming: an additional 7 years during which it’ll seem like “we’re all gonna die.” Even that’s up for interpretation and it depends on who you read, since it hasn’t happened yet, but look here for some interesting theories about it. That language is a hell of a lot more cryptic than the Constitution, so I understand why people have so many different ideas about it. I have a preferred option but I won’t know if I’m right until it happens and neither will any of the other people with personal prophetic interpretations. However, if I am right, there’s at least 1007 years left on this rock, so that will mean the great Mr Hawking has underestimated the lesser beings and our potential. By a few years at least.

Occasionally prophecy is easy to debunk.  Like TB Joshua from Nigeria, who predicted that Clinton would become the president.  He had a shot at being right, but apparently one of two things happened.  Either, 1- God is mischievous, and he lied to let TB look bad, or 2-TB is full of shit, and lied about it, or, best case, didn’t wait for the straight answer from God.  He cited the anointing of king David of Israel as an excuse for his failure, but Samuel and God were having a conversation and Samuel was listening for the answers to his questions:  “Surely,” God, your choice for king is this stately, good-looking young man!  And God said, “No.”  Samuel didn’t anoint the wrong king.  But by saying Clinton was going to win, TB was giving her his anointing as the prophet, claiming to be God’s prophet, and he was wrong.  The people of Israel didn’t really take kindly to prophets who failed.  We don’t treat them like that in the modern era, but I wonder if his followers won’t give him a Trump-esque “You’re FIRED!”

I don’t usually debunk prophecy, and the one from Hawking is a moot point because I will be leaving you soon. That’s right, I’m quitting, and soon. I can’t tell you exactly when that will happen, but sometime in the next 80 years, assuming medical technology gets me past the next 50, (I’ll be 101), there will be no more Deon Mumple to kick around, abuse, take for granted, cook, do dishes, laundry, vacuuming, trash, mopping, bathrooms, windows, and provide the standard flirtatious remarks, admiring gazes, hot steamy sex, Mrs. M. Sometime In the next 80 years, I’m done. Which means unless Stephen is right but has VASTLY overestimated us, I won’t be around to validate HIS prophecy, much less my own.

I am still here, and while here, I hope you all have a great century.  Don’t believe the guys who tell us there’s no hope.  Because, if there’s no hope, well, then what’s the point of anything?  But if there is hope, then maybe there’s also truth.  Maybe there’s actual meaning, and not nuances of denial.  Maybe we have a purpose.  It’s possible that we’re beautiful, unique individuals, and if we seek the truth, we might find out that “we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works,which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (Ephesians 2:10)

Sick Day

I’ve got the crud.  There’s a manager across the aisle who said she was home 4 days with it. That’s great, hon. You’re a manager and I don’t know the attendance requirements you face, plus, you can work from home and I’m not set up for that yet.  Plus, I’m already on an attendance PIP because of my son being sick and because of a couple of occurrences of being late: traffic sucks, and people move my shit to where I can’t find it, including me, and I’ve had a few more recently than in the last ten years.  If I die, or if I’m ever in an auto accident, any time between now and February, I’ll have to schedule it in advance to make sure the boss approves it.

So since I’m on this plan, my plan is to have no occurrences.  This means Mrs M handles any kid crises and sick calls, it means I can’t be late, damned traffic, and I can’t take a sick day at home.  So I’m taking a fucking sick day at work.  There will be tea and tissues, there will be soup and sickness, and I will be making my quota.   And maybe, just maybe, there will be sharing.  Sorry, coworkers, but honestly, I fucking hope so.  That’s right, I want to affect your productivity because my company insists I come in on a day when I’m sick, because I wasn’t able to look at the calendar and tell them, “hey, boss, I think I’m going to be sick over the weekend of the 14th, so maybe I’ll just stay home on Monday to see if I feel better by Tuesday  In fact, let me just schedule the 15th as a sick day too.

And that is why performance improvement plans mixed with forcing employees to either schedule days off or take points off that might lead to firing are a bad idea.  I have days available, but I’ve had to schedule them.  I should, in a reasonable world, be able to just say, OK, well, I scheduled this random day off because I had to, so why don’t I just stay home today  because I’m sick, and come in on the other random day I scheduled.  That’s how life should work, because life is random and sometimes you need a sick day and sometimes you lose your car keys and you’re late, and sometimes there are accidents right in front of you and you need to figure out if you can reroute, which makes you late.

Life and work balance?  My ass.  Only when it doesn’t affect the numbers or if you can schedule all your unforeseen life events in advance.

So yeah, I hope I can share my unscheduled life event, this lovely crud, with a few people at work.  I don’t want to be offensive about it so I won’t cough all over everyone, but I hope a few of the little bugs do get out and can infect a few coworkers, just so I’m not alone.  Because misery loves company, and because the company needs a few more unforeseen life events in other people’s lives, and not mine.  Because I’m going to work.

Better go, or I might be late.  Hope everyone makes it a great day.

Life In Denial, Part Deux

Maybe I should say part five.  In my previous article I mentioned several ways in which Americans are in denial about the 2016 presidential election.  But wait!  There’s more!  I don’t sleep much when I remember to take my meds, so I have lots of time to read and watch the news, in spite of myself.

If you are and were a rabid Clinton supporter, or possibly a rabid Trump supporter, click over to someone else’s blog now.  You will not like what you’re about to read.  It’s just not pretty, no matter which side you look at it from.  (Take that, grammar Nazis!  For you non-grammar-Nazis, the rule was “a preposition is something one should never end a sentence with.”)  I didn’t like any of the candidates, and I’ll decline to let ANYONE know who I voted for.  You can guess, and I won’t confess.  But I voted.  I’ll confess, this article is pissing ME off even as I write.  I know where this is going, so after I finish it, if I decide to post it, I’m going to be so upset I’ll have to go somewhere else myself just to get away from it.  And there’s a few beers in the fridge waiting,unless I resort to my standby vodka.  Shit.  I’m almost out of vodka.  So, beer then.

Why am I resorting to alcohol?  Because, friends, America is fucked, and it’s not Trump’s or Pence’s fault, not Clinton’s fault, not Obama’s fault, not Putin’s fault, not Kim Jong’s fault, not Hassan Rouhani’s fault, not even Theresa May’s nor Benjamin Netanyahu’s nor Jorge Mario Bergoglio’s fault.  It’s our fault.  We’re fucked, because too many Americans are fucking idiots. Obama, Clinton, Pence, and Trump, may well be fucking idiots, but it’s not their faults.  Shakespeare wrote, “The fault, dear Brutus, lies not in our stars (celebrities, well-known wealthy people, well-hidden wealthy people, politicians), but in ourselves, that we are underlings.”  Of course, when he spoke of stars, he meant our fortunes as supposedly spelled out by the relative positions and interpreted meanings of the celestial bodies.  But I mean to say that politicians do not bear the full blame for the shit America is in.
It’s your fault, it’s my fault, as citizens of this nation, that we have chosen between two Americans who best represented America.

In Clinton we have a woman for all women (and some men), someone powerful and opinionated, who stands up for a woman’s right not to be bothered with the potential impact a man might make in her life whether he’s good or not, a right to make choices and damn the consequences for anyone who might get in her way, a right to decide whether to live for herself or live for others or to try for a little of both.  She takes charge and makes choices and listens to her own heart and pursues her own dreams, and occasionally she forgives herself if she might not be able to hear someone else’s heart or consider someone else’s possible dreams over the importance of her own heart’s drumbeat.  (Subtle, ain’t I?)  She forgives others (she didn’t murder Bill, did she now?) unless they’re irredeemably deplorable people, and when she makes a “mistake,” she thinks a little forgiveness isn’t too much to ask.  A woman for all women, she had enough mystique (charisma, intrigue, scandal, lies, money, fame, and ambition) to represent the we we could be if we had enough money, ambition, fame, and just enough of a lack of moral principles.  She has the experience as a stateswoman  and is accustomed to making deals where you accept what you can get and deal with the negatives as you can.  She unified people who most closely aligned with her principles, good or evil, and some of us stood with her.

You can call me a misogynist, despite your knowledge of my love for all women in general and my wife in specific, because I blamed Mrs Clinton at least in part, for her husband’s well known (and it’s certain, many not well known) lapses of moral character.  Bottom line, it was his fault and his choice, and his stupidity.  But.  If a woman commits in marriage to a man, she commits to care for him and encourage him, by any means.  I don’t know what went on behind closed doors, but there were evident problems.  I’m sorry if you don’t like other people’s opinions when they’re different than  yours, but I believe, (let the metaphor be heard) if a woman sets the gourmet meal of all his favorite foods in front of him (and he should do the same for her) and lets him pick what he likes often enough at home, he won’t be as likely to go out sneaking to the shitty little fast-food burger joints around town.  If you cook, but you never cook something he really likes, he’s eventually going to crave it enough to go elsewhere to have it.  You don’t have to be a master chef, you just have to try the recipe even if all the ingredients aren’t just like on the cooking shows. He’ll be happy, and your cooking will improve with practice.  It’s out there now, so I expect I’ve lost readers for saying it.  If I made you mad, remember, I told you not to read it.  If I made you quit following my blog, fuck off and read someone who writes better than me; I know damn well there are a LOT of better writers.  If I do apologize, it’s only for writing as though a specific set of readers would actually read this article.  I wrote it that way, I’m calling them idiots, but most of my actual readers aren’t.  So since you’re not an idiot, don’t take offense when I call the people I’m writing about, idiots.  They are, you’re not.  Sorry in advance.

In Trump we have a man for all men (and some women), someone powerful and opinionated, who stands proudly and builds an empire.  He stands up for himself and promises to stand up for our country, and not let anyone take any unfair advantage of us.  If someone wants to come to America and respect American laws and culture and heritage, maybe even make friends and come over to the house, there’s no problem.  We’ll share our grilled steaks and a few beers, but if someone wants to sneak in through a side window in the dark and steal our shit, that’s a different matter.   Trump fearlessly, thoughtlessly and selfishly spoke, seeming like he was almost deliberately trying to piss people off. And yet we know he’s right.  He’s right that we need to figure out what to do about people who want to come to America and kill us, but wrong in his proposed approach to that defense.  Not all illegal aliens crossing illegally into the United States over the border  with Mexico are criminal rapist drug dealers.  Most of them are hard workers who just want an opportunity and haven’t figured out how to do it the legal way.  But some drugs come from Mexico.  The very act of sneaking across the border without proper documentation or declaration of intent makes the one who does this a criminal in the eyes of our current law.  And occasionally an illegal alien from Mexico or some other country turns out to be a psychopathic perro who doesn’t want to shit in his own back yard.  Not all Muslims seeking to get into the United States are bent on destroying heathen American lives, and peace amid the illusion of safety, even if it costs them their own lives as a sacrifice to their god.  But occasionally one Muslim, or another, or a couple, (or an alleged Christ follower,  or a group) goes rogue due to overly dogmatic doctrine, doing things contrary to what most say is “mainstream.”  They’re called “radical.”  Both Muslim and Pseudo-Christian terrorists call themselves “conservative,” and say their interpretations and applications of their sacred texts are correct and justified.  In actual fact, a  person or group perpetrating run-of-the-mill crime OR hate crime are just fucking criminal, that’s all.  And there’s really no way to know who might do what next.  We’ve seen what the so-called “sleeper cells” have done in Paris, and Nice, France, Belgium, England, and what a single attacker did in Canada as well as what a sleeper cell was plotting in Canada.  Occasionally even Americans do some pretty stupid things for a cause, however misguided.  While they may feel like their motive is for a greater good, their actions are just criminal. (Thanks, NC NOW, for the insightful article)  Do NOT try to tell me that a true Christ-follower would ignore His commandments , instructions, and teachings (footnote to the last link: mainstream Jews of Jesus’ day hated Samaritans).  Why the idiots in the KKK were allowed to announce an endorsement is beyond my comprehension.  Why they don’t abhor their own souls for their inherent hatred of others    Now, I’m not saying we can’t respectfully disagree, discuss, and debate.  But IMHO, any unprovoked murderous attack “in the Name of Jesus” is not done in the name of MY Jesus.  It’s just done by someone who wants to discredit His real message, or prove they’re an asshole.  I’m sure many peace-loving Muslims feel the same about radicals who call themselves Muslim.

Trump doesn’t play a character on TV trying to appeal to the broadest cross section possible.  He’s the same guy he’s always been.  An irritating braggart who still manages to be very rich and very successful.  He welcomes opportunity, and when opportunity comes along, he grabs life by the pussy and rides it until he gets what he wants.  He’s an unapologetic, brash, loud, proud idiot.  He’s the we we all would be if we had his finances, his persistence, his luck, and his lack of good manners and tact.  He offered this leadership style to America, standing on the proof of his wealth, power, and success, and some of us invested.

And why did it come down to these two?  Because, American voters:  We’re idiots.  We damn well knew the character of both of these people, and yet those are the two we chose, out of fucking 321,420,000.

So the election is over, and one side didn’t win.  And in the modern era, what does that mean?  Protesters, because we’re idiots.  Clinton understands the election laws, the election process, and knows how to gracefully and lawfully step aside when she lost the electoral college vote.  Her concession speech evidenced her understanding and surprising grace.   Trump wasn’t prepared to accept a loss, but Clinton handled herself with perfect poise and dignity, and issued a call for unity.

So what do Americans do?  Act out in a temper-tantrum of civil disobedience and rioting against Clinton’s clear instructions.  Dumbasses.  Go home, you’re not doing what your leader says, so who exactly are you following?  You’re as bad a hypocrite as the self-proclaimed “Christ-followers” who do the violence and terrorism and shit.  And you delude yourself into thinking you’re doing something positive, but you’re a criminal.  She said:

…we must accept this result and then look to the future.

Donald Trump is going to be our president. We owe him an open mind and the chance to lead. Our constitutional democracy enshrines the peaceful transfer of power and we don’t just respect that, we cherish it. It also enshrines other things. The rule of law, the principle that we are all equal in rights and dignity, freedom of worship and expression. We respect and cherish these values, too, and we must defend them.

Clinton supporters denied that Trump told the truth about the broken Electoral process, and now they’re upset about the results.  Trump said it was broken, and if you’re a Clinton supporter I would bet you believe him now.  You have as your scapegoat the electoral college.  Except that the electoral college is national, constitutional law.  Clinton is aware of this, and in the name of respect for the law and the love of peace,  she told her people that she’s now going to support Trump as President, and her followers should do the same, and do the good they would have if she had won.  I was very impressed she included Galatians 6:9 in her speech.  I was impressed by the tone of acceptance and peace.

I was unimpressed (and sadly, not the least bit surprised) to hear the pride of Trump, in himself, no mention of any Bible or any other sacred text of any kind, and only a last-minute inclusion of gratitude to Pence, who may be one of few reasons why Trump somehow won.  No, it’s very clear to those who are really paying attention, that the only person Trump really loves, is himself.

And what’s even worse than Clinton supporters rioting, there are a few too many isolated reports of fucking idiot people claiming to be in Trump’s camp who may or may not be doing or saying hateful, racist, homophobic, islamophobic (or any other religio-phobia), ignorant, criminal things.  Vandalism, terrorism, assault?  Fuck you.  This is why he didn’t really want the endorsement from the fucking KKK.

Go home and stop doing your hateful, shitty, criminal acts.  You’re idiots.  You aren’t doing it right, you’re not even following the instructions of the guy you supposedly support.  He said:

“Now it is time for America to bind the wounds of division, have to get together. To all Republicans and Democrats and independents across this nation, I say it is time for us to come together as one united people.  It is time. I pledge to every citizen of our land that I will be President for all of Americans, and this is so important to me. For those who have chosen not to support me in the past, of which there were a few people, I’m reaching out to you for your guidance and your help so that we can work together and unify our great country.”

You aren’t doing any of this.

Instead, you’re in this for yourselves and you’re worse than the stupidity of Trump’s campaign trail foolishness, and multiplying it by several thousand.  Trump said offensive things before and during the campaign.  If  the charges are truthful, he DID offensive things before the campaign.  Trump offended practically everyone and still won the electoral college vote even though Clinton apparently won the popular vote (but not by much).

It’s a Civics lesson, kids.  We’re by and large idiots, because most don’t even know how it works, and we’re idiots because we don’t realize this:  The electoral college was conceived not because of poor communication, but because all the way back in the 1790s the leaders knew the average uneducated American peasant wasn’t very bright, so the popular vote may not always be the best choice for America.  The Electoral College is the failsafe to prevent the ignorant American commoner from fucking up the country, and the ignorant American commoner is us.

We can undo the 12th constitutional amendment, but the rioting in the streets is sad evidence we can’t undo ignorance.  Repealing a constitutional amendment has been done before.  They repealed prohibition, thank God.  It’s a simple procedure but it takes time and either a significant vote by Congress-both House AND Senate, or an even more sweeping call by State legislatures.  Prohibition’s repeal was done by the State process, but that was a hugely popular idea.  It would take a long time to do the State process for Clinton.  And Congress moves even slower.  After it’s done, we’d probably be too late to undo Trump.  It requires either a National Convention or a Congressional proposal  And if we did, it wouldn’t undo what the current electoral college has decided for America.  It wouldn’t allow retroactive installation of Clinton even if she did win the popular vote.  She didn’t win by a high enough majority to undo the constitution.  It would probably take longer than 4 years to amend the constitution, even if it did ultimately pass.

In other news of ignorance, I’m hearing about a possible Presidential pardon of Clinton by Obama before he leaves office.  Except that’s nonsense because it would imply Clinton is lying when she says she hasn’t done anything wrong.  If Trump makes good on his campaign promise to investigate Clinton, what will he find out?  We know of a trail of several and varied scandals that Clinton’s had her hand in, from Watergate to hostagegate.  $400M and we only got 4 of our 8 hostages set free.  Can Obama write a pardon like a blank check, that exonerates her without implicating her?   Can Clinton get that carte blanche for anything that might be discovered without confessing what she’s done?  And if that happens, and then we do discover something, are we allowed to riot in the streets until Clinton is un-pardoned?   Should Obama be investigated?   Of both Clinton AND Obama, one wonders what skeletons we’d find in their closets that aren’t recently put away halloween decorations.  Would we want their smug smiles slapping down the papers that officially forgives them for anything they’ve done that was against the law?  And would we be content with letting them get off scott-free for what they did?

Not that I have the time to riot.  I have to work so I can stay, just barely, above poverty, at least until any new minimum wage hikes start.  If that happens, then I’m back to the lower end of the poverty  scale, because whatever the new minimum wage is, that’s the new poverty.  I’ve worked a long time at keeping a job so I could earn more than that, and I’d rather the politicians, or worse, the American people, NOT push me back down to the bottom.  Fucking idiots.

Is 4 AM too late to have a beer?  Or is it too early?

Life in Denial

I’ve read there are three sides to every story:  your story, their story, and the truth.  There are three sides to an argument.  Your side, their side, and the right side.

Being unsure of the origin I looked it up and found what I hope is the original, and then what I’m delighted to report is music I’ve never heard before.

“There are three sides to every story: your side, my side, and the truth. And no one is lying. Memories shared serve each differently.”
Robert Evans. (2002). The Kid Stays in the Picture [Documentary]. Highway Films.

Here’s the song, too, because you all know I REALLY love music. Joe has his three sides, and there are three I want to talk about.

America, holy shit, let us pray. Apparently we’ve decided collectively that Trump was the lesser of the evils running for president, and elected him.  I might have written the same article with the story taking a different turn if Clinton had won, but we have what we have. There are three sides of denial to be dealt with here, and I’m not going to let any of them pass.  I lied; there are four sides, and some of the sets of groups of people in their various denials overlap like a terrifying Venn diagram.

So here’s the denial on the party of the first part:

Side I:
Trump, like all politicians before him, has lied to the American people, and we let it slide. The Muslim ban, and the Great Wall of Mexico are quixotic, idiotic, xenophobic wet dreams that will NEVER happen, and if they do they will be disastrous for our country. We all know this. The wall promise will be impossible to fulfill and if it does come to pass it will cost more to maintain and secure than we will ever save by having fewer illegal aliens come over the borders. And Mexico will never foot the contractor’s bills, the maintenance costs, nor monitor our wall for us.

If we can’t have a wall, we probably will continue to have a revolving door for our illegal alien workforce, if they’re even caught by immigration officials. Don’t get me wrong. I want everyone to be law-abiding. But the reality is that some won’t respect the law, true about immigration, true about crime, true about guns. I hope, regarding his promise about crime, that he can get a law passed requiring the death penalty for anyone convicted of murdering a cop in cold blood. But I also want the balance of the death penalty for any cop convicted of murdering an innocent person in cold blood too. If I’m reaching for my license, don’t fucking shoot me.

He promises to use common sense to fix the mental health system and prevent mass shootings. The trouble with this is that it’s another aspect of denial. I submit that he’s probably lying here too, because “common sense” would actually separate mass shootings and mental illnesses into separate categories, each of which needs to be addressed: A mass shooter is a criminal, a person with a mental illness is a person with a mental illness. Sometimes the sets are combined, but it’s not a bus to throw everyone with a mental illness under. This discussion of mental health and crime needs experts who know something about mental illness in on the discussion, not just the kneejerk reactionary vapid and nebulous promise of policy development. This one is important to me. I want to be on the advisory committees, but I don’t expect an invitation.

Here’s why:
1) I think mass shooters and other terrorists need to be immediately executed by the arresting officers. (No invite, because with that opinion, I’m barbaric.  But if people know that at the end of it all they’re going to die, there will be fewer shooters and terrorists.)  If you and your group plan an act of terrorism and begin its’ execution, and you get caught in the act, I want to leave no further opportunity and I want to just end you, with no fame or martyrdom.  No mention of names in the media, you’re erased from life and history.

2) I think people with mental illnesses need to be treated with respect and dignity and afforded the exact  same rights granted to every other citizen (No invite, because with that opinion, I’m crazy).  Mental illnesses are diverse in scope and impact, but I believe it’s safe to opine that most people with mental illnesses want to just live normal lives, not commit crimes or kill other people.  I know people with no mental illness who routinely make jokes about killing people, just like people with mental illnesses sometimes do, and from these people, they are fucking JOKES.  I’m angry, but I’m not angry enough to buy a gun and murder anyone.  I don’t know about anyone else, but the voices in MY head only tell me to harm myself, not other people.  We deserve the right to own firearms and use them in our own defense, the same as anyone who’s called “mentally healthy.”

Because criminals may technically not be allowed to have or use guns, but that doesn’t mean they won’t figure out a way to steal one, buy one, or make one.  Plus, if a killer (translation: criminal) wants to kill someone, a gun isn’t required.  They can use bullying or some other psychological weapon, fists, a car, a lake, a knife, a rope, poison, a bomb, or any of a number of unconventional murder weapons, such as a plastic bag, or a brick wall, or cartoon-style violence if they’re truly creative: a freight train, a rocket, an acme mail-order novelty, or maybe a piano, or an anvil.

Normal people, including normal people with mental illnesses, understand that doing these things in real life make one a criminal, but in cartoons and movies such actions are not fatal because the artist wakes up and draws, or creates new special effects, another day.  We all suspend our disbelief just like when we watch movies, and may even laugh if it’s comical.

Criminals actually DO criminal things to other people, and they need to be treated as criminals and justly taken care of so they won’t, or can’t, harm another person.

Separately, people with mental illnesses need to be cared for by a caring community of professionals, not lumped in with criminals and presumed guilty before any act is ever perpetrated.  Disallowing guns to ALL those with mental illnesses sets a huge group up to be victims of crimes by those who somehow get their hands on guns, legal or not.

He promises to make medical marijuana widely available to patients, and allow states to decide if they want to fully legalize pot or not. If it’s not a lie, I say it’s not enough. Just push for congress to legalize it across America, and then push another law that all in jail for marijuana be immediately released and the records of all convicted of marijuana related offenses be immediately expunged.

There’s probably more deceit in the lists of promises.  But I’m already tired of it, and I hope the GOOD promises he made are carried out, and the foolish ones are admitted as foolishness.

We’ve accepted as our leader a person who joked about sexual assault.  Sexual assault is a crime; it’s not funny.  Ever.  I can’t say this with enough emphasis.  I really, seriously pray that Trump is able to behave decently and morally, while in office.  But there’s no denying the way he evidently thinks about women, at least some of the time, because it’s out there.

Side II:

Clinton supporters?  You’re in denial too.  You whine and moan about the election results and claim a glass ceiling that prohibits ALL women in the office of president.  But that’s not accurate.  I’d vote for a woman for president, just not Clinton- because of her history of scandal and coverup.  There are several women I’d like to consider from these lists, who might potentially make great presidents.  I have a list of potentially viable candidates here.  Let’s investigate them all NOW and not 4 years from now, so we know who’s the most supportable candidate on the basis of all those ethical categories- misandry, ethics, criminal background, criminal allegation, um, if I’m allowed to assert there are universal goods and universal evils as measurements of character, let’s choose someone of basically good character.  If there aren’t any (and I seriously doubt that) then let’s find another woman of good character and ask her to run.

You’re in more denial, when you deny the scandals themselves.  We want to call them “mistakes.”  But there was no mistake in Benghazi when nothing was done at all to defend our citizens, our soldiers, or to rescue them.  But we rescued the traitorous Bergdahl due to the tireless efforts of Clinton in exchange for giving them back known criminal terrorists, and paid a $400M illegal ransom to a government that is openly antagonistic against America, in exchange for 4 , not all 8, of our citizens being held prisoner at the time of the event by that government.  And we were fed a story about that exchange, that just screams to me that it’s a lie.  So we care about some American citizens, just not all of us.  Depends who you know, and how valuable a chess piece you are on the global chess board.

There was no “mistake” in propping up women who were willing to allege Trump’s assaults.  The mistake was in your timing.  Tell us before he’s the only other candidate left for the people to vote for.  Saving the allegations for this late in the campaign says you’re desperate, you’re shady, you’re lying.  You made a power play in withholding this, because you let the other candidates in the race falter for various cosmetic or personality reasons because they would be stronger in the end of the race if you didn’t trip THEM, than Trump was.  And then at the end, you gave us these allegations.  Too late.  And if Trump is a bad choice, for bankruptcy or misogyny, or being whiny when he doesn’t win, then your choice in waiting because you thought you could beat him was a mistake.  Dr. Carson or Ted Cruz might have lost in the end if they were left in the race, just based on their belief systems.

Clinton also threw the race on the basis of her idiotic stance about gun control.  She said she would implicate gun manufacturers in gun crime, and restrict guns like Obama did in Chicago.  We see how well gun control is working there, right?  And the people who make guns aren’t any more culpable in gun crime as McDonald’s or Hardee’s is in causing morbid obesity.  They make a product to meet a demand, it’s sold under circumstances basically controlled by the threat levels they pose, and no one is forcing the fast food customer to supersize their asses and not exercise and clog their arteries and die of a heart attack.  And no gun manufacturer is forcing the gun buyer to commit a crime.  I sympathize with people who have been the victims of gun crimes, but I put to you who would restrict gun access to law abiding citizens, that it isn’t the law-abiding citizens who are causing all of the gun related problems.  Restrict the law-abiding citizens, and they are marked with targets.
Side III:

Finally, there’s the overlapping set of denials we all perpetrated here.

Let’s start with the electoral college.  We have the electoral college that makes us a democratic republic, and not a true democracy.  The news media is saying that Clinton won the popular vote but lost the electoral college.  This tells me, the electoral college is an antiquated system for choosing a candidate based on an elite few who may or may not represent the voice of the people.  It should be abolished, and the popular vote should select elected officials.  The whole nation is in denial in letting that system choose our president.  If you want your vote to count, abolish the electoral college.

We picked these two, or four, whatever, that’s not the point here, and presented them to America as if they were our best and brightest, and we voted for them (or against them).  Both majority candidates were lacking in character.  Both lied, or hid truths, or told half truths, or asked forgiveness for various character lapses, and we bought that shit and put it on our dinner tables and served it up.  America, if we’re not ALL, collectively, a bunch of fucking idiots…

Trump tried to tell us the electoral process is broken, and if you believed that and you voted for him, you’re a bigger idiot than he was for saying it, and if you believe it now and voted against him, read what I said about the electoral college again and compliment Trump for saying at least ONE thing that was the truth.

Clinton tried to tell us that increasing the minimum wage would be a good idea, so she could fulfill her other promise of increasing taxes to pay for all the programs she wanted to give us.  Some of her campaign rhetoric, and some of her campaign ideas, like her opponents, were fucking brilliant.  But not this one.  Some of Trump’s promises and rhetoric, and some of Clinton’s, were utter and complete bullshit.  This idea is case in point.  Because I’ve worked very hard for a long time to get a wage that is higher than minimum wage, but if you shove a raise at everyone that doesn’t make a higher rate of pay in the name of just raising it, you neglect to consider basic economics.  Basic economics lesson:  the economy adjusts itself.    This means, if you suddenly decide to raise the minimum wage “to get people out of poverty,” it sounds good on its’ face, but after economic adjustment, the new minimum becomes the new poverty.  It’s basically stupid and doesn’t honor my efforts to better myself by staying with a company for a while until I earn raises.  It slaps me back down until I’m back at the bottom of the fucking pay scale again.  Fuck you, for wanting to make me at the lowest level of poverty all over again.  Just FUCK YOU.

Oh, I forgot I lied, there are 4 sides to this story.  I made a mistake, it was simple math classroom talk, it was an oversight, forgive and forget, OK?

Side IV:  What we all should do:

In short, what we should do is face reality, and go forward with whatever’s left of our integrity, and pray for America and for Trump and Pence.

I said it when the Christ-followers thought Obama was the anti-christ in the flesh, and I’ll say it now that the Demoncrats lost their bid for the White House:  Pray.

After you finish praying to whatever god you believe in, in whatever faith you practice, remain as productive, law abiding citizens and do the good you would have done if Clinton had won, or the good you wanted to do if Trump won.  Or your third party choice.  We need to work together, and we need each other to make a strong country.  It’s not Trump or Clinton who makes us great.  It’s each other, supporting and helping each other.

I heard several public faces saying they’d leave the country if this or that candidate won.  Well, my first reaction is, if you said you’d leave if Trump won, get the fuck out.  But my second, more heartfelt and loving reaction is, if you still can make a go of staying to help the rest of us, please stay.

The ridicule, mudslinging and character assassination of presidential candidates is over for the next 4 years, thank GOD, so let’s move on like we always do.  The Cubs won, but I bet The Cleveland PoliticallyIncorrectNativeAmericansWhoProbablyAren’tReallyNativeAmericans went home and they’ll keep practicing and playing because that’s what they always do.  And the Democrats and Republicans will keep trying too.  They’ll be back on those ballots, slinging mud like old times, in another few years when it’s time to elect new liars or re-elect the old liars in between presidential elections, and in 4 years from now, it’ll be back to the same old presidential shit.  Win or lose, life goes on and we try again tomorrow.  Tomorrow, I have to go back to work at my day job, and I’ll do that same shit all over again and it won’t get me anywhere.  I’ll also buy a lottery ticket, because there’s a possibility, however slim, that I’ll win that shit.

The most important things I can advocate are 1) to pray, and 2) do whatever you can to make our country better.

Midnight Or Bust

“Normal” people are probably watching election returns, unless they’ve gone off to bed.  I can’t.  I voted today, spent the day out in the real world running around like a damned chicken with my head cut off.

For fucks sake, I took the day off.  To take the day off.  And then voting took more than an hour, ran to point A for my daughter, to point B for my daughter, back again to A for my daughter, went to the store, back home for a few minutes, back to A for my daughter, then dinner, to point C for my son, back home for shit we forgot, back to C, back home, finally.  I’m honestly exhausted and don’t want to see people tomorrow, which, thank GOD I asked for another day off tomorrow.  I have to check to see if it’s approved, so that means I drive to fucking work so I can make sure I can go back home for the day.  Shit.  If the boss had just approved it when I first asked, but it’s a way of stringing me along.

Those candidates.  I hated every one of them.  I wish that the press would release all the shit about the candidates when they first announce their candidacy.  Trump is a mysogynist blowhard ass hole who can’t shut the fuck up, Clinton is a misandrist scandal-driven ass hole who can’t shut the fuck up.  Oh look, they’ve got something in common.

You can’t blame Trump, he’s got no filter and no one advising him to shut the fuck up.  If he had shut the fuck up after announcing his candidacy, he’d have won hands down. Oh wait, hands down seems to be the other part of his problem, maybe he should keep them at his sides, or just on top of the desk.  Please.  No grabbing anything.

You can’t blame Clinton, scandal just seems to follow her, and she certainly wants nothing to do with that.  At the polls, I saw a guy passing out fliers, well away from the actual voting place in keeping with the law.  I saw another guy wearing a t shirt that said something about Benghazi, an obvious anti-Clinton tactic, and I had to wonder if it was actually illegal.  I didn’t see anyone making female crotch grabbing great again, so no standard for comparison.

The word “Benghazi” isn’t inherently offensive.  Just the connection connoted to Clinton. The word “pussy,” is unless it’s a damned cat.  We don’t assault people, or advocate that sort of behaviour.  But then, we don’t ignore calls for help when it’s in our power to at least try to do something to help out, either.  So the comparison is apples-with-worms-in-them to oranges-with-hairs-with-lice-in-them.  Trouble is, if it’s an apt metaphor, I can cure lice, but I can’t cure an apple with a nasty worm and a hole in it.  Leave him to “reality”tv, which I avoid watching like the plague, but she needs to retire from politics forever.

We didn’t get the shit out in the open about the extent of Clinton’s email server problems, or Trump’s shitty braggadocio-filled sound bytes and rape allegations until after the majority candidates had been chosen.  But she kept whitewashing herself against the scandal, or admitting it and apologizing because she made a “mistake.”  And if the allegations are true, Trump kept his dick in his pants and his hands to himself from 1997 to 2016.  As a guy who loves women, I don’t think I could do that if I had a thing for extramarital affairs and sexual assaults, mixed with that much money and power and celebrity status.  If it were me and I had it like that and acted like that, there would be a trail of thousands of women.  Too late to pick the best candidates, so fuck everybody, we all have to choose between these two losers.

In politics, “mistakes” cost lives.  You can’t just go “oopsie-doodle!” and get a mulligan, once someone is dead.  From Mary Caitrin Mahoney to Tyrone Woods and Glen Doherty, and someone knows who else before and since.  The author of this article asks how many people we know have died in the last 10 years whose deaths were mysterious.  My answer: zero.

In politics, sex seems to be part in parcel.  From the satirized until sanitized Washington record (“Washington Slept Here” commonly seen on signs and ads for hotels and bed and breakfasts, and George Washington as the “Father of Our Country,” I mean, come on, people, follow that backward to its’ logical inception in literal truth(s  “to be self-evident”)), to the records sealed or swept under a LOT of rugs for Kennedy, to Mrs. Clinton’s own fucking husband, to probably every other fucking (sorry) President of the United States.  I’d posit that sex seems very likely inevitable, but mysterious death shouldn’t be, even if adultery and murder are both on God’s top ten list.  And maybe, just maybe, speaking as a man who routinely doesn’t get what he wants, if Mrs Clinton had done what Mr Clinton wanted her to and proven she’s NOT a misandrist, his fiasco (fucking idiot and some cigars [getting] oral) would have never happened.  I have limits, and if they’re met or surpassed, I don’t think about wanting more.

I don’t want to hear about anyone fucking on the presidential seal carpet or getting head under the First Desk, or assaulting women, any other tacky, low-rent behaviour. I also don’t want to have hacked emails that were supposed to have been deleted, with state secrets leaked to potential adversaries giving them an advantage over our country or the wimpy Commander-in-Chief not doing shit while Americans, including American soldiers, are helplessly getting killed.

All the majority candidates suck, except Mrs Clinton apparently, and she should.   I just wish we were told how badly, before it was down to this choice.

Whoever wins, I’ll do what I always do:  pray.  You probably should, too.  Because our country doesn’t seem like it can win from where we are now in the game.  We’re going down no matter what color the carpeting is and no matter what kind of plumbing is installed, this is going to suck one way or another.  And I’m afraid we’ve all been screwed, and not in a nice way.

And, I’m sorry I didn’t finish this by the deadline I hoped for.

It’s Been So Long

It’s Been So Long, 11/6/2016, Deon Mumple

It’s been so long, my dear, I still recall
That easy laugh, your smiling eyes, our songs
We start to talk, remembering it all-
The good times from our past…it’s been so long

The lyrics of the love story we shared
Days, nights, all our sweet dreams and bitterness
A wonder:  we survived all that we dared,
Parting, each wanting badly to stay friends,

Time flowed, a breeze, a drought, a hurricane,
A life from dust, to dust returned.  I died.
Then, loneliness dispelled, just like my pain:
I breathed my first breath, born again, and cried

The griefs, hopelessness, gone. Joyous tears flow.
Unexpected, life turns.  I love you so.

Fuck You, Spammers, Scammers, And Mammogrammers

I don’t understand.  I thought I told you, I’m not interested in spreading your shit across the internet.  I’m not interested in your viruses, your links to hell, your intentions to “help me,”to make suggestions on how I can improve my blog, or how I can write more on things you like, how I can buy insurance from a website that at best features adware, at mid-best features malware, and at worst offers me and anyone who checks on me a virus.  Fuck you.

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.

And yet, despite my worst intentions to send your asses, and the rest of you too, straight to the bottomless fiery pits of hell from whence you came, here you are, right on the comments section of MY fucking blog, telling me how much you like my blog but you think I could write better if I wrote what you thought I should write about,  how I can make plans and be happy, how my subject matter is going to help you with your fucking presentation tomorrow, and how I should buy penis pills from somewhere, and you have just the weblink and virus to help me get them “cheaply.”

I wish I could actually believe you intended good things toward me.  I wish I could actualy believe you really did think my writing was good and I wish you really did have a strategy to help me improve my writing, to make money, to be successful.  Instead, these comments with their irritating, annoying spelling, punctuation and grammar errors are offensive.

I wish I were kidding.  I wish it were more amusing.  But it’s not.  I’m insulted, I’m offended, I’m sick to fucking death of this bullshit.  How DARE you!!?  You ANNOYING SHITS.

Thank you, WordPress Administrators, for almost filtering that shit away.  Almost.

Here.  You get them too, I bet.  They ask you to put their comments on your blog as innocuous comments, complimentary like they’re your friends, and then your friends see their comments and click on their links or their “blogs,” and they get the shit on THEIR blogs and on THEIR computers.  FUCK THEM.  And HEEEEERE THEY ARE!
Those names.  “Jimmy.”  “Aimee.” “Brodie.”  “Chester.” “Merissa.”  Those aren’t even their real names.  They don’t match, they aren’t the truth, and they’re spreading lies.   I KNOW they’re lying, so my first offense taken is that.  But my second offense is the tactic.  The asteistic comment.  Oh, sorry, vocabulary word, “ASTEISM.”  It’s a back-handed compliment that’s actually an intentional insult-  the complinsult, or if you’re a fan of The Simpsons, “unsult.”  It’s an abuse of the fine art of push-pull, because it’s done backward and with ill intentions.

Push pull is wicked awesome, if it’s done right.  Done right, a person, say, Craig Ferguson, for example, says something that might be taken as unflattering, but then beautifully turns it around into something awesome, caring, loving and sweet. Or, Hayley Atwell, who does something here. In a couple of places, this interview takes turns that feel negative, maybe a little tense, but the jokes relieve the tension and make both host and guest both feel like everything’s all right.  It’s one of my favorite interviews because they’re both funny and awkward and charming and playing the same flirty games with each other.

To the untouchable Hayley Atwell, a confession: From the safety of my bunker, I’m never coming out to meet you because you are one of the most frightening women I’ve ever seen. It’s me, really. It’s not you. I’m not charming like Craig. I’m much, much hotter than that. So, for everyone’s safety, for the good of humanity, for the very continuity of civilization as we know it, I’m staying right here, safe in my bunker. If I weren’t terrified, and if I had an infinite supply of money, I might be a creepy stalker.  But I hope not. Celebrities have been ruined by creepy stalkers and that sucks. Celebrities live in an unnecessary fear of ordinary fans, because someone who looks like an ordinary fan might be the next creep who tries to push too far. These people get all delusional, thinking a celebrity is in love with them, inviting themselves into the scene in ways that are socially awkward at best, and at all other possible levels, downright creepy. There’s nothing wrong with seeing someone at a restaurant and saying hello on the way to your booth. There’s everything wrong with anything much more confrontational than that. Showing up at the person’s house, or worse, IN the person’s house without an invitation, watching them, or maybe worse, watching with your cameras, paparazzi, taking pictures or movies of a person without their consent, and so on, is just wrong and you should be arrested. Instead you find someone with too much money and not enough common sense, who pays you for doing that creepy shit. That’s the reason paparazzi are so brazen and aggressive: there’s money in being a creepy stalker with a camera.

I’m probably just jealous. Celebrity stalkers are somehow comfortable out there in the real world, sitting in trees and hiding in the shadows waiting for the celebrity to go to the store or go out to eat at a restaurant or whatever, and you’re waiting for the chance to take a picture or make a movie you can sell to the “press,” or post on the internet. You think you’re a “journalist,” but you’re not. You are creepy and you insert yourself between ordinary fans and celebrities who just want to live their lives and be left alone. Celebrities are normal people most of the time; they do normal things. They eat breakfast, they go to work, they go home, they go to bed. They might go to the store to buy groceries or a light bulb. They might go to a restaurant or a museum. Just like everyone else. We ordinary fans, if we had the courage to venture out of the bunker, might like to say hello, ask a question, pass along our compliments or ordinary admiration, ask for an autograph or a photo, offer a quick hug, and go our way. But celebrities are at least a little afraid of us normal people because of creepy people who want to break into celebrities homes and steal and sell their ordinary shit like it was something more special than our ordinary shit because it’s been touched by a celebrity. It’s not like these celebrities are like Jesus or anything.  Craig, though…  It’s just that he’s a writer, I’d love to pretend we were friends for ten seconds while he autographed my copy of his book.

I suppose you could argue that I’m just jealous because I can’t even get out of the bunker to have the remotest possibility of so much as saying hello to a celebrity such as Craig or Hayley, not that they would just show up at my local grocery store. That interview was just cute in so many ways. I’d feel so much more awkward. One of us, brilliant and beautiful and trying to do something normal like going to the grocery or the book store, accidentally happening to meet someone who might become a supportive friend, the other, uncomfortable about the whole circumstance and behaving awkwardly during their “brush with greatness.”

I may be brilliant and beautiful, but I’m not “normal” anything.  I exaggerate my abilities sometimes.  I try the push pull on my readers sometimes, but I suck at it, so it’s not like would notice the effort.  Plus, I’m married.  And you?  I’m terrified; you’re frightening.  The thought of what kind of trouble we could stir up if I were a real person with the actual normal courage it would take to leave the safety of the bunker… If we ever had the weirdly twisting fate to meet, recognize each other, strike up a friendship, spend time with each other outside of the blogosphere…FRIGHTENING.  You scare the living shit out of me.  But you know I’m only scared of anyone who’s overly  sexy and completely fucking hot.  See, THAT is a push-pull, and weirdly, I mean every word. You ARE completely fucking hot; you know who you are. And that frightens me in ways you can’t possibly understand. And I love you. It’s the complete truth.

But, to the liars, I have a few things to say, at the risk of wasting my breath. You think like these damned stalkers. You are out there, not keeping a normal distance away from us, but inserting yourselves into our lives at awkward opportunities. You program popups that show up unwanted while we’re surfing the web. You program your creepy adware and malware and viruses and then put teaser advertisements out there as clickbait. And you pose as someone we might actually like if you weren’t a fucking stalker and post flattering comments on our blogs hoping we’ll let your comments go onto our blogs so our friends will click on your shit to find out who you are, only to get advertisements for insurance, or boner pills.

I don’t need any “male enhancements,” Merissa, so fuck you.  Or rather, whatever the diametric opposite of that is.  My “content” IS “engaging,” but it’s never “engaging” with you.  I don’t need boner pills, Merissa, and I don’t want anything to do with you or your product line.  My equipment all works just fine, and I’m quite “enhanced” enough, if Mrs M. is of an encouraging spirit and the kids stay on their side of the door.  Sometimes, even if Mrs M. DOESN’T encourage me, which is frequent.  From what I’ve read, that’s a symptom, apparently, of my fine health downstairs, and my lack of the same upstairs.  She has a normal appetite.  I have an insatiable one.

And you, “Chester,” or “Frieda,” or “Antonello,” at the risk of hurting your feelings, you don’t have my permission to lift my “perfedt” content for free and use it for your “prssentation,” plagiaristic fucker.

Thanks for offering potential suggestions, “Jack,”but I want to write what I decide to write.  I’m not interested in your helpful advice.  I write for my own sanity, not to satisfy your appetite for brilliance.  If I were “happy,” I might “make plans,” but they wouldn’t involve you.  If I were “happy,” I sure as fuck wouldn’t write like this.

“Aimee,” you’re the closest I ever came to accepting spam as a comment for my blog, but alas, your comment was flagged by the staff of helpful autobot filters at WordPress.  I’m honestly flattered, but I don’t want to buy a new phone, or car, or car parts, or whatever it is you’re selling on your website, and I don’t know if any of my readers want to either.  If they do, if you did normal “advertising,” they might find you online.  Were you not flagged, I might have just accepted the compliment, but my car, junky as it may be, is all I can afford right now, and honestly, my car and my phone felt insulted that you said they wasn’t as good as yours.  So, softly and gently, “Aimee,” go fuck your phone and your car and parts and your money too.

And last, “Jimmy,” or “Corina,”I’ve never read anything so formulaic and fake as a compliment in my life, and I’m not writing because it resonates with people.  I’m writing because if I didn’t write I might do destructive things to relieve my stress.  And if I did destructive things as a habit instead of writing things that resonate with readers, I might need a new car or car parts, or worse, I might need boner pills to maintain the …addiction.

No, thank you.  If you could just stop with the reverse push-pulls, stop openly confessing you’re planning on stealing my creative shit, stop peddling your car crap and your phones, stop pushing your penis pills, and stop telling me I’m good but I could be great if I bought into your method or wrote what you think I ought to write.

Oh, shit.  I almost forgot I was supposed to write about mammogrammers.  Well, that’s a little awkward, since I’m a guy.  But what the hell:  You’re another of  the worst kind of photographers.  Taking pictures of women’s boobs is one thing, but you take it to a whole new level of awful.  You convince women that you’re hurting them to help them, smash the poor woman’s junk into your torture devices, and THEN snap your pictures.  At least you’re not selling that to publications or posting THAT to the internet.

I can’t lie.  I love women, and everything about them.  They’re beautiful.  But I think if I’m going to behave awkwardly with anyone,  or try to catch anyone in a moment of secret intimacy, it’ll be Mrs. M.  And no, internet, there will never be any pictures of any of that.

I’ll Be Back

I have 20 minutes.  Sorry I have not written or commented in forever.

Everything is the same except more complicated than I like it.

I’m trying to wrap up two non-writing projects I should be done with already if it weren’t me doing the project.  I feel like anyone else would have been done by now.  I’ve lost some of what I need to finish one project, researching and I’ve asked for help from sources to finish it correctly.  The other project took a back burner while I worked on the first, since the deadline came up faster than I really was prepared to deal with.  Looking back, I never should have accepted responsibility for project 2, the urgent short-term one with the missing research.  I should have said no because I can do it, but I don’t like the deadlines put to me while I’m forced to rely on other people for project data.  I asked for an extension and it looks like it will be given because they have to, not because they want to.  Imagine a high school group project, you’re doing everything you need to do and then some, and then your team members provide inconsistent or lackadaisical support, or don’t turn in what they are supposed to handle.  And your final grade depends on them doing their part.  I’m a little culpable here too.  If I had tighter reins on it, I could have been done.  I needed to be a little more of a control freak on it.

I’m also contemplating a huge change, working from home might be in the future for me.  I’m just nervous about change, figuring out how to make space, figuring out how to do my work and isolate myself for the hours when work and my kids being at home happen at the same time, figuring out how to have enough bandwidth to work from here.  But the cost of a better data plan might be well overshadowed by the benefits of being able to clock in while sitting at home.  I’m a little nauseous just thinking about it.

I skipped a support group meeting last month because of the stress.  And when you skip a support group meeting that supports you through your stress, because you’re too stressed to attend it…

My brain doesn’t have the bandwidth to say “yes” right now.  So I miss you all, and I will be back when my brain has bandwidth to write and read again.

My 20 minutes are gone, and five more like those.  But I’m like the Terminator.  “I’ll be back.”  I just wish I knew I was indestructible, or that I could be rebuilt, rebooted, and resent.

I grew up in a town near Chicago and my grandpa and I watched the Cubs when I was very young.  Harry Caray and Grandpa are celebrating from heaven.

So how can we not all have a great day?