Happy Friday, everyone. I did a few things last night after work that I don’t do enough. I actually took some time to meet a few friends and we just hung out. We had a few light snacks that I didn’t provide, we met at a place that wasn’t our houses, and none of us really expects anything except to just hang out and be friends. We discussed our medications, talked about our writing and other creative adventures and misadventures, and we supported each other. I haven’t done that in three months, because I have been too far down. This is the first thing I’ve done since we lost Ulla.
I’m probably premature with a “fuck, yeah, it’s Friday” post, because I don’t really feel a “fuck, yeah” level of enthusiasm. But I really want it, so again, if you can’t have it, fake it like hell. So maybe I’m faking some, but yeah, I have to say I’m glad it’s finally Friday, and maybe I’ll figure out how to do some productive things this weekend, and maybe I can rest a little, too. I’m 14 or more hours behind on sleep this week and I don’t feel it because the medications are giving me insomnia. Another thing I did last night was sleep almost six whole hours, after I took some melatonin to fight the insomnia.
I’ve been walking in a haze, mostly undisguised by the obvious shit in my blog (hey, that’s self-effacing humour, another friendly face I haven’t seen much for the past several months. Welcome back.) Sorry for all the shit, readers. I’ve done my best, and my best sometimes sucks, so if you’re actually reading this, first, thank you for not giving up on me and second, um, sorry for everything again. The haze may be lifting, but one doesn’t know whether to attribute that to time, or to medication. The doctor wants to give the credit to medication of course, and it may be helping, but I think time helps us to process life’s events and it has been a little time and a process.
The other thing I did last night was sleep for possibly more than five hours, which I haven’t done all week. I’m hours behind because insomnia is one of the effects of the medication. And I’m wondering if this is like a rubber band and it might snap back and force me to sleep to catch up.
If you’ve been experiencing anything like this haze I’m in and out of, I hope you can do the good things more, experience the shit less (my blog notwithstanding), and I pray the weekend leaves you a few good feelings: peace, patience with yourself (remember, “love is patient.” And “love your neighbor as yourself,” which means we are supposed to love ourselves), success, however limited it may be, and a chance to rest. And maybe even a good laugh, something I still haven’t done for a long time.
Life events drag us into, and through, the shit. But through it all I don’t want your events or emotions in response, to blind you to a few things: You matter. You are loved. You are priceless and important and irreplaceable. I don’t have many aspirations in life, because events keep smashing down and don’t seem to show “any signs that they are slowing.” (thank you, Willie Wonka and Roald Dahl). But if I have an aspiration it is this: I want to be a n encouraging force in your life, and I want you, in spite of and to thumb your noses or give a great big flying free bird to, life’s events, to do life as successfully and as happily as you can. And I want you to share whatever that experience is, and vent, and share happiness, in your blogs. Be you, and I’m praying you find all good things. And when you don’t, we can cry together. In my little get together, I shared my tribute poem with my friends and I pray they all get it. And I pray you do too.
Here is the link to the poem I shared last night. It’s to you too.