I’ll Be Back

I have 20 minutes.  Sorry I have not written or commented in forever.

Everything is the same except more complicated than I like it.

I’m trying to wrap up two non-writing projects I should be done with already if it weren’t me doing the project.  I feel like anyone else would have been done by now.  I’ve lost some of what I need to finish one project, researching and I’ve asked for help from sources to finish it correctly.  The other project took a back burner while I worked on the first, since the deadline came up faster than I really was prepared to deal with.  Looking back, I never should have accepted responsibility for project 2, the urgent short-term one with the missing research.  I should have said no because I can do it, but I don’t like the deadlines put to me while I’m forced to rely on other people for project data.  I asked for an extension and it looks like it will be given because they have to, not because they want to.  Imagine a high school group project, you’re doing everything you need to do and then some, and then your team members provide inconsistent or lackadaisical support, or don’t turn in what they are supposed to handle.  And your final grade depends on them doing their part.  I’m a little culpable here too.  If I had tighter reins on it, I could have been done.  I needed to be a little more of a control freak on it.

I’m also contemplating a huge change, working from home might be in the future for me.  I’m just nervous about change, figuring out how to make space, figuring out how to do my work and isolate myself for the hours when work and my kids being at home happen at the same time, figuring out how to have enough bandwidth to work from here.  But the cost of a better data plan might be well overshadowed by the benefits of being able to clock in while sitting at home.  I’m a little nauseous just thinking about it.

I skipped a support group meeting last month because of the stress.  And when you skip a support group meeting that supports you through your stress, because you’re too stressed to attend it…

My brain doesn’t have the bandwidth to say “yes” right now.  So I miss you all, and I will be back when my brain has bandwidth to write and read again.

My 20 minutes are gone, and five more like those.  But I’m like the Terminator.  “I’ll be back.”  I just wish I knew I was indestructible, or that I could be rebuilt, rebooted, and resent.

I grew up in a town near Chicago and my grandpa and I watched the Cubs when I was very young.  Harry Caray and Grandpa are celebrating from heaven.

So how can we not all have a great day?


13 thoughts on “I’ll Be Back

  1. You’re ditching me???? How will I live without your supportive snarkiness in comments and chat??? Cruel!
    Do what ya gotta do that’s best for you but…
    Get your butt back to the tribe when you can ‘cos we um…miss you and love you and stuff.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. First reaction, I laughed, so Second reaction, thank you. But to anyone else in the world who suggests anything without a satisfying level of humour and snark, sufficient enough so I’m aware, my reaction is: ok whatever.

      I’m writing something if I can find a second today, and I took the day off, ffs and haven’t had a break ( = writing ) time yet. BC kids and house work and running to the library and the dentist for Ms M and back to the library and to the store and home for 30 min and to the library and home and next is pharmacy then the dinner I get to cook yay and then scouts. But I solemnly swear that I WILL write something today. It may post at 11:59 but it’ll be today. 🙂 aaaarrrrrgggghhhhhh I’m not sure if I can handle all the pressure of my ordinaryness. Where the fuck is the fame and fortune so I can hire someone to do the ordinary parts for me?! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Life is hectic. But its your first priority. Release your grip and obligation to blogging for a bit. You need to participate in what sounds like an exhausting, yet extraordinary marathon of life. Dedicate yourself, guilt free to the delights of having a family and being kept busy and involved. Relax. Breathe. Regain your footing. We’ll still be here when you have some calm and peace to write and enjoy it. Until then, enjoy being Super Dad & Husband, and we’ll be looking forward to your return when Life gives you a break ❤ By the way I made a quote for you, I'll send you the link when I post it…. *cliff hanger*

        Liked by 1 person

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