I’ve got the crud. There’s a manager across the aisle who said she was home 4 days with it. That’s great, hon. You’re a manager and I don’t know the attendance requirements you face, plus, you can work from home and I’m not set up for that yet. Plus, I’m already on an attendance PIP because of my son being sick and because of a couple of occurrences of being late: traffic sucks, and people move my shit to where I can’t find it, including me, and I’ve had a few more recently than in the last ten years. If I die, or if I’m ever in an auto accident, any time between now and February, I’ll have to schedule it in advance to make sure the boss approves it.
So since I’m on this plan, my plan is to have no occurrences. This means Mrs M handles any kid crises and sick calls, it means I can’t be late, damned traffic, and I can’t take a sick day at home. So I’m taking a fucking sick day at work. There will be tea and tissues, there will be soup and sickness, and I will be making my quota. And maybe, just maybe, there will be sharing. Sorry, coworkers, but honestly, I fucking hope so. That’s right, I want to affect your productivity because my company insists I come in on a day when I’m sick, because I wasn’t able to look at the calendar and tell them, “hey, boss, I think I’m going to be sick over the weekend of the 14th, so maybe I’ll just stay home on Monday to see if I feel better by Tuesday In fact, let me just schedule the 15th as a sick day too.
And that is why performance improvement plans mixed with forcing employees to either schedule days off or take points off that might lead to firing are a bad idea. I have days available, but I’ve had to schedule them. I should, in a reasonable world, be able to just say, OK, well, I scheduled this random day off because I had to, so why don’t I just stay home today because I’m sick, and come in on the other random day I scheduled. That’s how life should work, because life is random and sometimes you need a sick day and sometimes you lose your car keys and you’re late, and sometimes there are accidents right in front of you and you need to figure out if you can reroute, which makes you late.
Life and work balance? My ass. Only when it doesn’t affect the numbers or if you can schedule all your unforeseen life events in advance.
So yeah, I hope I can share my unscheduled life event, this lovely crud, with a few people at work. I don’t want to be offensive about it so I won’t cough all over everyone, but I hope a few of the little bugs do get out and can infect a few coworkers, just so I’m not alone. Because misery loves company, and because the company needs a few more unforeseen life events in other people’s lives, and not mine. Because I’m going to work.
Better go, or I might be late. Hope everyone makes it a great day.