“Six Days Shalt Thou Labor…”

Where in the Bible does it say “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and work thine unholy ass off?”  Because all I’m doing is working.  I wish these success preachers would make good on their promise that if I “trust in the Lord,” “Ask and it shall be given,” “Seek and [I] will find,” “Knock and the door will be opened unto [me].”

My weekend was full of work, and tonight after “work” “there’s no rest for the wicked (and the righteous don’t need any).”  Implying I’m wicked, or confessing.  I’ll leave that for the reader to decide.  (psst!  I’m wicked!)

When last I read the book, I thought it said “Six days shalt thou labor and do all thy work and on the seventh, rest.”  I’d love to.  But the seventh is booked with catching up with and doing extra labor.  I’m just tired.  But I have things I have to do, and rest is one of them but not this past weekend, nor today.  On the plus side, it’s a nice distraction from being depressed, which my wife told me Sunday has been my emotional state for way too long now.  She wants me to “just” stop being depressed.  Well la, di, da, and fuck me.  Please.  Twice.  THAT would be another pleasant diversion from being depressed.  Plus, it’s nicer than saying “fuck you” to one’s wife.

So I spent the weekend moving furniture (lots of big tables and lots and lots of chairs) twice – once in, and once out, and doing yard work in two yards (mine and mum’s) and other miscellaneous nonsense labour that had to be done.  In my yard, I realized there are patches that apparently aren’t mine, because someone’s dog has laid claim to those areas and shit on them.  They must not be in my yard, since I don’t have a fucking dog.  I think the neighbors need sick dogs who are too weak to get from their own damn yards into mine.  But I don’t know who sells dog poison.  Not to mention the rodents because I don’t have a cat.

Just when you thought it was safe to come out from under the blankets, someone wants to lay extra work onto you and off their to do lists.  In that spirit of not knowing what the hell I should do vs what I shouldn’t, I’m trying to do it all and I can’t.  I’ve got plates spinning over here, and over there, and then there’s the whole juggling act going on in between.  So chuck everything back into the air, keep the plates spinning over there, back into the air, spinning over here, back into the air.  Please.  FML.

I still have those goals to set and projects to complete for my “spirit guides” for lack of a better description, and that’s basically me flying blind and figuring out what I can do that’s a qualifying goal that isn’t already being done by someone else in the volunteer organization.  I don’t think this shit train ever slows down, but I need it to.

I fell asleep on the couch last night, woke up about 4:30AM and realized the dishes still needed washing so I washed them.  Not that it makes any difference.  I want that 7th day.  But instead it’s more like a 14th or 15th day.  Or never.

I didn’t think a journey off into the wilderness to dream would turn into more work, but that’s all it ever is, when there’s a committee involved.  I felt obligated, but now I’m second guessing myself about that too.  When they give me a few hours worth of money and expect me to turn in a month’s worth of work, or more…  Remind me to never say “yes” to another damned committee, ever again.  They’ll take up the 14th AND the 15th day if you let them.  And every day in between.

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3 thoughts on ““Six Days Shalt Thou Labor…”

  1. Is your wife, by chance, a comedienne? I laughed out loud at her declaration of you being depressed far too long and wanting you to just “stop” being depressed. That’s hysterical and insulting at the same time. Sad how little others grasp the concept of depression.

    Hope you get a break very soon, dude, you have earned it. Plus, if you drop all the spinning plates, that’s just one more mess to clean up so find a place to put it all down quick!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’ll be ok. Yeah, the wife is funny when she’s daydreaming about tossing me off a cliff. (aarrrrggghhhhh!!!). I have visions of a Benny Hill or Monty Python sketch with me in one of those black suits and bowler hats, flying off the edge by catapult. But considering even I didn’t really understand my own symptoms, until pretty recently, how was she to grasp them? She just thinks I’m depressed and should medicate my depression, but I’ve read about how I could really mess up only medicating the one side of the symptoms. She likes the manic phase mostly (except the occasional anger). I’m trying to track the trend but it’s a weird swing. It’s very influenced by events, I’ll have a random good day or two and then back down, then, I expect this month, I’ll start having a nice run of good days. And she’ll forget. I’m going to see if she’ll read about cyclothymia whenever she has a chance. The up is ok, the down sucks dirt, the long wave period and relatively short amplitude and the weird days out of phase will only screw up the diagnosticians. But when she’s supportive she’s awesome. ugh. I’m looking forward to surfing the other side of this wave.

      Liked by 1 person

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