Well, 2020, for a fresh start all full of hope, you suck so far. And for a fresh start all full of hope for clarity and renewed vision, you really suck. And for the hope of getting things on track with renewed energy, …
I think you should have gotten the idea, 2020, that is, if you gave a shit and had a clue.
I am nowhere, getting nowhere fast. I live at home; thank God I work from home, and I don’t go out unless my family strong-arms me. So how the hell, about 2 weeks before the CoViD19 death-inducing “arse-spraying mayhem”(1) reached the vicinity of my bunker, did I pick up some alternate mayhem? It’s not fatal, at least not yet. But it progressed from one day of a sore throat to a week-and-a-half of relatively breatheable chest congestion, with no fever, to today’s chest congestion and intestinal …shit?
Sorry. I mean, “arse-spraying mayhem.” But, before you laugh at my predicament, as fortune would have it, I’ve had so many years of training as a <i>financial</i> tight-ass, my sphincters have that shit under control. And the rest is being half-owned by dextromethorphan and phenyleprine.
I’m wasting the acetaminophen the dealers threw in, since the only headaches I’ve had were from over-taxed sinuses from blowing my nose from allergies, since this off-brand virus hasn’t given me nasal congestion or a fever. Except, of COURSE, the one that’s ONLY cured by… MORE COWBELL!
So yeah, the new year COULD be harder, but I sure as hell hope it stops trying so damned hard. I thought last year sucked, but this year is ridiculous.
I confess, the conspiracy theories are amusing, and I’ve seen how things that would have been worse if people were not under quarantine. But seriously, can we stop inciting panic, encouraging anxiety, and showing off how stupid some people are when pandemic becomes pandemonium? I promise my single loyal follower, reader and friend, more on this to come.
I wish I’d have been informed, and financed, well enough in front of this, to have listened to the apparent wisdom of the comedian who suggested it years ago, and bought that pallet of toilet paper before hoarding it became de rigueur.
Have a great mayhem… I mean a great day. Wash your hands, and sanitize your surfaces often. Most important, keep breathing.
1- This expression, among other colourful epithets and free-flying, profanity-dripping insults, I first heard on “In The Loop,” a movie and tv series featuring the late Doctor Who actor Peter Capaldi. It referred to diarrhea.