Holy Near Misses, Batman!

In the wake of our recent loss of Adam West, my first Batman, it felt like a fitting tribute to his legacy.  Personal character issues aside, as an actor in the campy show, I liked him.  And I also did see him in Family Guy.  I missed most of his other work, and will not go looking for it.

Remember how I told you that my relationship with God seemed to be taking an upturn? Well, I’m still feeling the depression.  I forgot to take my stupid meds this morning on my rush to get to work on time.  So there’s that.  But…

Since you tuned in to this same Bat Channel, at this random Bat Time, I’ll tell the tale.

There were strong storms near the bunker last night a few hours after work.  I took the opportunity to go to see mum and dad, and arrived before the rain.   So, nothing could be done outside.  The power went off, so I wasn’t getting the mum-cooked meal either.  They reported the outage, the rain stopped for the most part, and Mrs M started calling and texting furiously to get me to come home.  So I left.  In mum and dad’s neighborhood they have some older trees, and one of them took the opportunity to fall, right across the driveway, and missed my car by about 6 feet.  I was able to drive on the grassy shoulder to get around it, and get home.  And that is the unemotional narrative of what happened.

Not this:
https://giphy.com/embed/xTiTnewMZL1EKAkRnW via GIPHY

I checked with mum, and their power is back on today, and some people are cutting up that tree, so I don’t have to do that.  I should wait and see if some people want to mow the rest of that acre for me.   …I’m not holding my breath.

That tree, though.  I actually knew about the tree.  It was dead, and my dad had plans to cut it down.  It was close to the street, lurked casting an ominous shadow on some homes, including theirs, and he, being older and wiser, had asked for some help from one of the neighbors, when they had time, to cut it down.  They agreed and said that would happen (at some undetermined future date). But that didn’t happen, so this happened.  I was concerned it would fall on the house, or fall and smash a car, possibly mine.  But instead, as if pushed by a large hand, it fell.  Not in the direction of the wind, from west to east, but from north to south.  I’ll let you soak that in.  No human preparation had precipitated that.  I had researched how to do it right, and when I could get a chainsaw, I was going to notch the tree to make it fall and my plan was to have it fall exactly where it fell “on its’ own,” without notching and cutting.  No human-planned physics.

You tell me, it was bugs and rot and maybe a gust blowing hard enough to make it fall. Science explains everything.  Yeah, but you’re a skeptic.  I would be, but I’ve seen too many things, though not quite often enough for me personally, go unexpectedly right. Am I satisfied with life?  Um… No.  But can I call this anything less than miraculous?  Um…  No.  Fuck you, science, you can’t explain, when I know damned well the wind was from west to east, how a tree falls due south, strategically timed to fucking miss EVERYTHING it could have smashed.  It missed the house, it missed the car, it even missed the damned hedge.  And it missed me.

When the universe fucker has free rein, it seems like he’s “coming for [me], and hell’s comin’ with [him.]”  But yesterday, my car wasn’t smashed, the other likely victim – mum and dad’s house – wasn’t smashed, and I wasn’t smashed.  So fuck you, universe fucker.  And thank you, God.  I’m just saying.

https://giphy.com/embed/r83cwYU2bs1CU via GIPHY

Maybe I didn’t win the lottery (shit!).  But what are the odds of a tree falling the wrong direction and missing the obvious targets in its’ path in the direction it SHOULD have fallen?  So I don’t have $500M (shit!).  But I’m alive, my car is OK, and the house is all right and now, new and improved, with a new backyard transformer, providing electricity.  So tonight, I’m going to mums for a mum-cooked meal.  Oh hey, God?  Could you arrange for no more falling trees?  I mean, sigh of relief and thank you and all, but HOLY NEAR MISSES, BATMAN!!!

It’s gotta catch up with us all sometime.  I was horrified by the news yet again.  Their news team commercial for the morning specifically says they’re “all local, all morning,” but they sure as shit reported the big apartment fire in London three times in 30 minutes.  Bastards.  And those poor people in the apartment!  It caught up with them.  And by “it,” I mean the damned universe fucker.  Death comes to us all, even Batman.  But with the odds that were beaten by the tree, maybe I should buy an early lottery ticket for one of their tiny prizes, to see if my “luck” is on a roll.

Maybe Adam West’s bat-angel was sent to use an invisible bat-grappling hook and bat-rope, and his other …bat-shit? … to pull the tree down and stop the universe fucker in his tracks.  Yeah, that.

https://giphy.com/embed/DPvxxlQqrzgwE via GIPHY

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2 thoughts on “Holy Near Misses, Batman!

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