Christmas Cheer

Is it bad that for Christmas dinner I wanted a venison steak for Christmas dinner, and egg nog with a scoop of vanilla ice cream for dessert?

Coffee would be great too.

I had neither.  That venison though, my kids are too old to be horrified, so it’s not for impact, it’s just because it’s delicious.  Marinate that in some italian salad dressing, and grill that up with some veggies, maybe squash and onions, and baked, then sliced and then fried potato with some onion, garlic, salt and dill… mmm.  It isn’t even dinner time, I’m still full from lunch, but I could eat.  Or drink.

Have a nice cup of Christmas cheer, everyone!

Sadly, the venison isn’t happening, even though my kids are too old to be horrified.  Oh well, we all grow up sometime.

On Christmas day, we read from Luke 2 before breakfast, and Mrs M asked the kids what they like about Christmas.  I like hope.  That’s what I want to go with my venison dinner.  A big bowl of hope.  I hope you get served up a big dish of hope too.  It’s a great mixture of sweet and savory and occasionally a little bitter mixed in.  It’s very filling, but I hope we don’t have to wait too long for the longings of our hearts to be fulfilled.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”  Proverb 13:12

It’s almost a tradition to listen to Christmas comedy songs, so I started with “I am Santa Claus,” and “Hey, You, Get Offa My House,” and a few others.  And of course, I love all of the music so there were classic carols and a few favorite artists.  I only heard Mariah Carey once.  Given the stress levels at Christmas, “novelty” recordings are a necessity.  I avoided several of “The 12 Pains of Christmas…”  I didn’t send out or hand out cards this year, and we only decorated inside the house, not outside.  But my in-laws are tolerable, so facing them isn’t usually too bad.

That’s a thing some can’t say.  Most people fall in love and they’re so doe eyed for the other person they ignore that they’re going to be family, have to deal with the family dynamics and stresses the other person is used to dealing with.  I did have to let Mrs M’s mum know I didn’t like her little jokes about injuring her son-in-law in a certain way which would prevent grandchildren, and sometimes I still have to listen to Mrs M’s dad rant when he forgets his blood pressure medicine or eats too much salt, or when he feels disappointed not everyone else knows how to fix plumbing or a transmission…damn, the future Mrs M was NOT prepared for someone who likes to clean house as stress relief.  She should have married a dirty auto mechanic plumber, not a creative writer with OCD, ADD, and a few other letters.  The swearing thing?  Sorry not sorry, it IS NOT Tourette’s, it’s just Deon rebelling against the decorum that is my mum.

Bless her heart, she rightly says swearing is bad, disrespectful, whatever negativity you wish to apply.  If it’s a display of a poor vocabulary, then I can’t imagine how many more words I would know and not be able to use because no one knows what I’m talking about already.  (Friend: What the fuck did you just say?!  Me:  I said [insert randomly thought of, but momentarily utilitarian, big or obscure word and meaning].   And Mrs M?  She had to learn my mum and dad have their own issues and I’ve lived with that my whole life.  The whole thing is about patience and acceptance- I’ve learned quite a bit about plumbing and I can now fix certain things about the car, too.  I’m still not content with Mrs M’s sense of propriety, or the way she demands impatiently when I’m in no mood for immediate demands.  Should have learned plumbing when I was learning all those stupid words [doltish, pretentious, fatuous, coccydyniacian  …know any other sesquipedalian words?]…and how to cook and clean everything under the sun.  Not all words end up making one a pain in the ass.  Some are useful because if the person you say them to or about won’t realize whether they’ve been insulted or complimented.  You Fibonaccian- formed readers all know I’m right about every one of your golden ratios, even if it looks a bit wabi sabi to you,  every one of you cuddlesome callipygians.  ::Deon ducks and runs::

Just because I know the word for it doesn’t mean I’m in the habit of actually looking it up…or down.

I want a lady who’ll put up with sweary, irritating Deon, depressed Deon, manic Deon, raging Deon, and still behave like a fearless tigress when we’re alone.  Yeah that’s the other Deon…  And you picked him, so please, for fuck’s sake (ha), or for whatever other sake Deon’s up for, hang up the prim and proper behaviour, Mrs M, and just let me have it how I want to be had.  And I’ll do the same for you.  I picked the lady I thought was closest to best-fit, and it’s been ok.  And less than ok when I am particularly irritable or psychologically knackered and she’s feeling less than my ideal concept of pliant.  And better than ok sometimes, and she has tried some things.  I just want more and more often than she thinks I need.  On the Big Bang Theory, Dr Hofstadter hooked up with Dr Winkle, and Dr H started making relationship plans and future hookup plans, and Dr Winkle wasn’t having any of that- she said she would be good for a month or so without any, erm… interaction.  I’m with Dr H. there, once a month doesn’t do it for me.  I want…ah…attention, three to five times a week.  Or seven.  Or ten.  After more than 20 years, she’s still it.

At the risk of being accused of idealizing, I do love Mrs M and celebrate the little ways she’s perfect while lamenting the little ways she’s not.

It was a surprisingly good Christmas, all things considered.  Being practical, Mrs M attended to my functional needs, but invested the rest of her creative and loving efforts toward the kids and of course, to her family.  I have a pending request for a little more attention toward her loving husband and “house-wife”(so goes the joke since I do so many of the household chores and cooking and so on).  So there was some stress relief, which is always good.  I dread change, and trying to learn how a NEW person ticks, not just one on one, but putting up with her friends, learning her family dynamics, AND what she likes and doesn’t like intimately, would probably shut me down more than if I ever lost Mrs M., so yeah, I’ll do whatever I need to do to keep her.  Even putting up with getting less attention than I want sometimes.  Ugh, the whole dynamic of courting… no, thank you.  I can flirt all I want, but the actual adventure?  If I didn’t die of embarrassment, I’d die of STRESS!  Change is stressful, I can do without any extra stress.

Speaking of holiday stress, at least I’m not at work.  I took the last week of the year off, and I still lost a few hours of earned time off that was just not taken, not that anyone at work cares about that.  That will be fine too.  I’ve quit caring since I got to spend holidays with family, that was what I really wanted, whether the quirky systems they clock everyone on works right or not.  If I want anything different this coming year I’ll have to quit, and you all should know I dread change.  I haven’t gotten to it yet, but you want to do something nice for me?  All I need is prayer, because God can fix my brokenness and motivate other people to help me, just for virtue of YOUR PRAYERS.  Some of you are already praying for me, you know who you are.  And if you confessed to actually praying for me, I’m praying for you too.  I’m even praying for people who haven’t asked, and I’m not even sorry.  You’ll just have to deal with it, or come and kill me or I won’t stop.  MWAAA HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA….  That’s right, I did an evil laugh for doing something good.  Well, I think it’s good.  YOU can tell me it’s pointless all you want.  We’ll see who laughs last.  MWAAAAA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!

Mrs M was afraid she short-changed the kids this year, but I saw plenty of smiles and happiness on their little sugar-plum faces.   We’ve got good kids, basically.  I’ll keep them.  You can’t choose family, but if I were choosing, I could do worse.   I don’t think they’ll turn us in to Child Protective Services… this year.  Foster programs very likely wouldn’t let them stay together to torment and abuse our replacements, and college money would be more uncertain, and then there’s the new dog.  He was an early Christmas present.  So the “nuclear family” has the occasional meltdown, the occasional explosion and mushroom cloud, and sure, there’s fallout, but for now, it’s intact.

The single most fun thing I did this Christmas wasn’t for my immediate family.  I persuaded my family to let me find presents for a few different people.  They let me take two gift tags off of a tree at work for some kids who don’t really have anything.  I have very strong, but well-researched and well-supported opinions about work, but the fact that the tree with the gift ornaments was at work isn’t the kids’ fault.  I bitch about how I can’t afford shit, but I dearly love opportunities for generosity.  I love helping people.  I can’t tell you how or where it came from, because it takes the joy and the mystery away, but we figured out how to get those two presents. And two other people I love, we figured out how to send them a few little things too.

I’m proving that you don’t have to be a billionaire to do little fun nice things.  Being a billionaire WOULD be a lot of fun.

I don’t want to “buy everything,” or God forbid, get famous.  When I’m a billionaire…  There’s a poem there, but not a song.  Someone else can come along and set my words to music.  I don’t want to waste money, or live some kind of entitled life.  “To whom much is given, much is also expected.”

But it feels good doing nice things to help or encourage other people, even when you feel helpless about big things. It feels good, just doing something tiny. Not just to the person you’ve done something nice to, but to you, too.  That whole “pay it forward” movement?  It’s fine, but it’s also OK to trade favors with the neighbors (or pies, or dishes of food, or loaves of bread, or mowing the grass or shoveling the snow, or really, anything).  I’m sure there’s a list of things people can do for each other online, not that we’re that empty headed and can’t think of something, but just to get the wheels of friendships rolling.    It’s empowering.

For the new year, I hope to be set free to do as much of these things as I have time for.  It would be nice to be handed enough cash to do this sort of thing without really having to count the cost, but until then, I’ll just count it and see what I can do.  Don’t tell the universe fucker, you KNOW he’ll bescumber me… I mean, “he’ll make sure the shit will break loose to try even harder to discourage or stop me.”

While it may be true that “each day has enough evil of its’ own,”
don’t let anything stop you.  I’ll try, too.

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