Confession Denial

Confession Denial, 09/08/2016, Deon Mumple

I tell the world that I’m all right, and everything is fine,
If they really knew me they’d understand and they’d notice the signs,
My bloodshot eyes go unexplained as if they cared to ask,
My stomach aches and I’m not eating, hide behind the mask,

How are you doing?  Everything is fine, because it has to be
It has to be that way, because no one has time to really see
We all have complicated lives.  Who has room to breathe?
Don’t look at me.  I’m fine, just please don’t look at me.

I try to breathe and look as normal as I can, to get away
From all the questions there’s no answer to, but I know I just may
Have to watch as life’s seams pop stitches that I’m helpless to mend
And life feels like a hurricane, I’m already half bent.

Don’t look at me.  I’m fine, just please don’t look.

I’m fine.

I’m aware of the air on my skin, well aware you’re not aware,
Anxious for nothing, hair stands on end as if I were scared.
Everything is fine because it has to be, except it’s not.
Not hungry and starving, and cold in a room where it’s hot.

I feel your eyes staring at me but I know you can’t see,
You look at me, then look away, fire guns at your own enemy,
But they don’t die and mine don’t either, they’ll be back again
Tomorrow to torment us so we all can feel the helplessness then.

The air around me concedes my presence, moving to allow
My passage through the troubled times, tomorrow waits, for now
Cemented molecules creak, begrudgingly swirling around me.
Others feel no such struggles, but it’s hard to move or breathe.

Don’t look at me…

The air feels like needles smashing into my skin,
And somehow it feels heavy, like an extra thing to carry
While I try to act like everything is normal as can be
And nobody will notice me if I pretend to win.

Don’t look at me, I’m fine, just please don’t look!

I’m fine.

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “Confession Denial

    1. Thanks. Hugs back. While writing the poem I was trying to figure out how to say it differently, but this is how it came out. I wanted to say the air felt angry like it was trying to break me, and molecules made fists and smashed into my skin with meteoric force. I tried to work it in, but it refused to fit the structure so I left it out. Ever wrestle with something you’re writing and finally let it win? Yeah. That’s my day.

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Wow, sorry to hear that. I’m all tingly and jumpy and nervous and sick to my stomach from the new medi-go-round I’m on, thanks, Doctor. Wonder if I am supposed to get used to it or what. But at least we can fake that we’re fine. Thank God mine leaves me sort of functional, I know others have it much worse. ~DM

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s