Goodbye, Dear (tw)

God, I hate this.  Seriously, fuck bipolar, fuck depression, fuck suicide, fuck death, fuck everything that hurts my friends.  I originally posted this here.  Readers, writers, please stay with me.  I need you more than you understand.  You are SO important, you are SO significant, I love your words and more importantly as much as I hate the world and everything that sucks about it, I love you all more than I will ever say.  I have to hate everyone to maintain my mask, but the truth is, I only hate the people who hurt me and my friends without any reasons except the selfishness it takes to hurt someone and the glee of the hellish power rush it seems to give the ass holes who mistreat other people.  So if you’re one of those, or if you have one of those spirits, fuck you and that spirit too.

This is my tribute to a fallen warrior princess. She captured my heart with her spirit, with her words.  I love her.  I wish I could have said this in a better way.  But it’s hard to write when I’m sobbing.  Fuck, here I go again.  Fuck!  I wish so much that we weren’t broken.

 

Goodbye, Dear

Having never met, still I love her soul,
My suffering took a lesser toll,
Now grief forces me to walk alone
Gripping my hand, it won’t let go

I wish I could have made her laugh
One more time, lighting her darkened path
Laughing, with that beautiful tone
Then turning, and,

Deciding to stay one more day
There really is nothing more to say
Like all friendships I think my own
Fleeting as sand,

And yet somehow, it’s forever
There were no magic words for her
To make her well, no prayer to pray
Sun sets, ending another day

Now grief leaves me to cry alone
Gripping my heart, it won’t let go.

~Deon Mumple

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11 thoughts on “Goodbye, Dear (tw)

  1. Oh Deon I am devastated by this news. I am at a lose for words, I had hope that the EC would help her. She was such a wonderful friend to all of us. She will be dearly missed. Thank you for your touching tribute to her Deon.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Me too. I don’t have the right words to say about it, about her, about how I feel, or anything. I prayed for her, I loved her, we even had a running joke about our dragons – hers was Toaster, mine is Buttercup. I’ve had mine since 1985. We also had a flirtatious joke you might find in her comment threads about whenever I got to finally go visit her. She still owed me a hand-in-hand walk to her beach, a view of the sunset, and a drink. But I told her I loved her dearly, I meant it, and that’ll have to be enough. I don’t take any comfort in any of it, I’m tore down.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I feel the same, but rationally I know I tried to encourage her every chance I had and she made this her choice. All we can do is miss her. I had to pull together after I found out, to go to neighbors, tomorrow back to work. It’ll be the same, and not the same. I told Mrs. M. about her and then waited for a chance to be alone to cry some more. I’m glad we have each other to talk to about her. Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I know I just found out before company got here and of course the mask came out. I was worn out by the time they left, all I wanted to do was cry. I am blessed to know you to be able to share feelings with someone who understands. Emotions that are always feeling raw. Take it easy sweet Deon and don’t work too hard tomorrow.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Deon, a very warm abrazo for you. I’m just in shock. I’m frozen. Thank God we can find some comfort among one another – the tribe. It’s so fucking sad and really fucking unfair. She’s with her mama though and that thought gives me some comfort. More hugs.

    Liked by 2 people

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