Black Cats, Blue Seas, Dirty Knees…

So the ever beautiful Spanglish Jill nominated me for an award here.  I like awards, but I don’t really know what to do with them.  So I’ll say a heartfelt “thank you!” to Jill and pass it on, but “before we go any further, do you love me?  Will you love me forever?  I gotta know right now!”

I haven’t figured out how to display them (awards), which should tell would-be nominators the low skill level of my blogging abilities.  I mean, Jill clearly deserves awards and if I were to receive one she hadn’t already gotten, she would be an obvious choice to nominate.

The award is the Black Cat Blue Sea award, which I didn’t really understand, so I looked it up and found this recipient, who clearly deserved it and knows how to handle this kind of adulation.  Last time I looked I had 245 or 6 followers, most of whom have probably already realized the error of their ways and repented of following, they just haven’t been prompt about clicking to un-follow yet, for which I’m grateful, because inflated numbers are still numbers.   If they haven’t repented or unfollowed and it was on purpose, well, some sins cling to your soul, don’t they?  And some people are just gluttons for punishment and you all know gluttony is supposed to be one of the seven deadly sins.  So, speaking of repentance…  That’s right, reading my blog may not JUST be dangerous to your health, but also to your mortal sssooouuuullllllllll!!!!!!!

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

You:  Can I get into heaven?
St. Pete:  Um, you followed, and even liked, Deon’s blog, didn’t you?
You:  Well, just a little, maybe.
St. Pete:  He wasn’t very good.  Quite the opposite, he was kind of evil.  He complained a lot, blamed God for his troubles, never could figure out how to fix it for himself.  Naahhht good.  How do you get into heaven by following someone evil?
You:  …

In my defense, I do pray for other people.  I’ve just given up on hoping my prayers for me would be answered.  I ask for the wrong things, apparently.  I’m not really double minded about it, I just think I know what I need, and apparently, it’s not what I need.  And not knowing and asking anyway and then getting “no,” frustrates me like a three year old at the candy aisle at Wal Mart.  I could go off about James 4:3, and my motives and my specific requests, but it’s pointless.

I’m stealing from the lovely and talented Blessing Iyamadiken again here because she had the cool stuff on her blog with the details about the award in a polished, easy to understand, format:

Blessing borrowed from another blogger, presumingly the one who nominated her, rather more worthy, award, who provided this clear description of the intent:

“This award is for bloggers who strive to write for everybody, and no matter how many viewers they get, make an impact on a reader. This award is an expression of gratitude to the nominee. It should be awarded to anybody that you choose deserves it and it doesn’t mean that they must have hundreds of followers and likes.”– Ella

We’ll work backward here- firstly I do have hundreds of (albeit misguided) followers, disqualified, check.  Secondly, my gratitude is to the one who nominated ME, because she still holds out hope and hands out encouragement.  You have to admire HER for that.  I hand out encouragement but when I reread my writing, I think to myself about how dubious that encouragement must be for the receivers, and I just have to apologize.  And as for making an impact, well, how does one measure that in any kind of quantitative way?  And finally, writing for everyone?  I write for myself, and anyone crazy enough can look on while I face the dismal darkness, bitterness and rage of doom, brokenness and failure.

This is what I mean about Jill.  She has clearly ignored the technical qualifications and gone ahead and done it anyway.  And that independent spirit is another of her admirable traits.

I do have questions and I do have nominees, we’ll get back to it if I don’t get derailed off my train of thought.  I’m supposed to answer her questions first.  Holy Cannoli, the concentration required for today…

Her Questions:

  1. What’s the funniest thing you’ve heard lately?
  2. If you had all the time and money in the world, what would be the thing, food, music, place and/or people who would make you the happiest?

3.What’s the best advice you’ve ever received and what’s the most helpful advice you’ve ever given?

Damned automatic formatting WORDPRESS.  Let me do it my way!  Wordpress requires a skill level I’ve failed to demonstrate, or, a similar way of granting my requests as my Deity of choice.  I get either “no,” or “yes, but not the way you want it.”  By the time I get my $500 million dollars, I’ll need it just to stay afloat and I won’t be able to use it to help anyone else.  Or I’ll be dead.

1) What’s the funniest thing you’ve heard lately?  My son, when I told him to “say it in French,” said “It in French.”  To which I responded:

He learned his sense of humour from his dad.  NOOOOOOO!!!!  And although I was out of my mask, he totally got MY reference too.

2) If you had all the time and money in the world, what would be the thing, food, music, place and/or people who would make you the happiest?

Hmmm.  That’s a good question.  Thing(s):  Being able to fix the broken things in my life and moving on toward being able to help other people I know are in worse financial straits.   And, finishing a few novels. Food:  Today, I’m craving either fried chicken, potatoes and gravy, or chicken fried steak.  And gravy.  We’ll probably have leftovers, or some pasta thing.  Holy Cannoli?  More like mac and cheese from a box. I like a nice big ribeye steak sometimes, or a good pork chop.  Deep fried turkey.  Hungry yet?  Music:  I like a LOT of music, so I’ll just answer YES.  Money no object, I’d buy a few instruments and lessons to learn to play them all well.  A violin, obviously.  Less obvious:  Bagpipes.  Place:  I like the bunker, it’s safe enough if I can stay in there.  Or North Carolina, I envision a mountain cabin by a well-stocked lake, where I can raise a few chickens.  Her name’s Little Fry, his name is Fry Daddy, the baby is Small Fry.  Sense a trend?  I like eggs too.  People:  Mrs. M, the kids, the extended family, a few close friends, and you.  Come on over to the bunker, we’ll figure something out.

3) What’s the best advice you’ve ever received and what’s the most helpful advice you’ve ever given?  Received:  In high school someone told me I was a decent writer, so who knows where I’d be if I had paid attention.  I do know it’s something I enjoy, if the money would follow that would be great.  But people hiring writers are looking for people with journalism skills, not to mention degrees, and I didn’t get a degree in English, I got it in Math, which as you can tell has prepared me for all of life’s contingencies and emergencies because I clearly handle them all so well.  Given:  I told a guy to marry a girl, and as I was also friends with the girl told her to marry him.  They eloped and are still married a year or two longer than me.  The two of them are quite happy.  My family practically took bets at the altar about how short they figured Mrs M and I would last.  But all I want is Mrs. M.  I ignored the bad advice and married her anyway.  I only wonder about it some of the time.  Sure I could have married for money, but I didn’t know about Mariah Carey or Haley Atwell or J.K. Rowling back then, because no one bothered to introduce us. Think back 30 years and claim the blame, readers, because it’s somehow YOUR fault, even though you may have never met any of them.

OH KAY, enough of that.  ON TO THE NOMINEES!

These nominees are phenomenal, enjoyable, brilliant bloggers and if I had more than seven to choose I would choose a lot of bloggers that I follow, I am not not nominating your blog on purpose but only because the requirement is seven.  You want to follow these and a bunch of other bloggers I follow, they’re right there to your right.  Go ahead, follow any one of my blogging people there and I will personally guarantee you won’t be as disappointed by their blogs as you may be with mine.  If you’re not a nominee and you’re on my list to the right, well, consider yourself a winner as long as you ping me back on your response to being a winner ex officio  I’ve won with my discovery of each of your blogs, specifically chosen or not.

If you don’t do awards, there’s no obligation. I’m just sharing the love, so tough shit, you won and there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it because I’m not taking it back.

Now, you should know that I follow a lot of bloggers, because to me they’re all top notch.  I know also that I’m missing out on some quality reading material because I haven’t discovered them yet and/or because there’s only so much time in a day.  So, these nominees, in their trees, above the high seas, healed from disease, eating their cheese….  WTF just happened….  The nominees are:

Ben- you know what to do.  Accept the bitterness, just fucking deal with it, write out all your frustrations, and move on.  I had to, so now, so do you.  Mwaaahahahahahahaaaa.
Jessica-you know what to do.  In your own magical, lyrical, so very beautiful way, be yourself. Go.
Kelly- you know what to do.  If this can be a quick break from responsibility, and you have a minute to take it, take the break, vacate and enjoy the exercise.
Lize-you know what to do.  And yes, haiku/ is beautiful/ if you can say it all/ in  17 syllables.  Or do two.  /Haiku. /Or try something different and new./I have faith in you.
AbbieLu-you know what to do.  That’s already a poem, my work here is done, /and yours has just begun.
Marina-you know what to do.  There’s a part of you that I love, the part that you hold together through the shattering, bashing hammers of life.  Oh wait, that’s all of you.
Katie (IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME!)-you know what to do.  You are completely charming and fun. I haven’t heard much from you so I’m calling you out.  Be the real you and trust me with it.

And, because I’m rebellious and I can’t follow the rules, one (really 2) more!!

Conrad and Drew, or is it Drew and Conrad– you know what to do.  Get a good buzz on if you like, be top blokes and give ‘er a go.  (How can I lose?)  You can collaborate or each give a response.  Either way, should be fun (for me).

And now the questions(, should you choose to accept them.  This message will self destruct, if it hasn’t already done so, count yourself lucky):

1) If you could eat and drink anything you wanted, what would be your dream meal, from appetizer to dessert to beverage, and if you cook, your favorite recipe not involving shellfish.
2) A two parter and a challenge:  a) Where are you from, originally or now? and b) in your best regional dialect from there, write a poem of any form about me and you- if you have to, actually READ my blog (sorry, nominees), and then tell me how you feel, what you like and dislike, where you would take me to hear you read your poem, and what we would do on a day hanging out.  Poetry forms are something I think fun, so if you think you can’t, give it a try anyway and let me enjoy torturing you through the journey.  You can’t give back the award, so you just have to get through it and pass it on.  Don’t forget to do it in your regional dialect, that’s an important part of the challenge, and at least half of the fun.
3) If you could choose to become immortalized for doing or being something, brilliant or heinous, what would you do, and why would you do it?

I still don’t get what any of this has to do with black cats or blue seas or pink hearts, orange stars, yellow moons, green clovers, purple horseshoes, or red balloons.  But I do know that all of the bloggers I follow are like Frosted Lucky Charms to me, including these nominees and several more.  If I get nominated for any more awards there will be some different nominees, but I’m not holding my breath waiting for that.

I’ll let you sleep on it.


8 thoughts on “Black Cats, Blue Seas, Dirty Knees…

  1. Following you is not gonna keep me out of Heaven. I am pretty sure that’s gonna be the time those Jehovah’s Witness boys knocked on my door and I told them I actually did not have a minute, as I was preparing for a satanic black mass.
    What? They never came back.
    Besides, as if. Even Satanism is too organized and rule laden for my heathen nature.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. that’s a funny one, I knew a guy who answered the door in his bathrobe, said something about virgin sacrifice and his altar was in his bedroom and did either of the ladies care to join him. He promised it didn’t involve murder. They paled, and turned and left. I think he meant “virginity” and not “virgin.” And I think they figured it out.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. the alternative religions almost never visit me. hm. but then, neither do people from the church I actually attend. I had a lengthy discussion about the divine nature of documents and the actual birthplace of Jesus with a moron once. Oops, I mean Mormon. If God got it precisely right in Micah 5:2, why not in Alma 7:10 written later? Because that’s only one error among a whole pack.


      1. plus I’m argumentative and nobody likes knowledge seeking faith, they want it the other way around. Faith first? Pah. I’ll dissect it first, see how it’s built, and then decide.


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