I’m Banned in China

Holy carp!

I’m banned in China because I use word play. Because I play with words. Because.  Oh, here.  I found an article about it and they said it right but they should have ended on this note:

Or these notes.  Whatever.  Remind me never to go to China because they’d just arrest me, confine me, detain me.  That would suck.

I’m a walking fountain of bad puns.  How dare they ban me?  A carp is supposed to be a symbol of good luck, not something to get arrested for.  What kind of civilization bans gold caliber humour?

I’ve just been blogging for maybe 2 years, which means the very first blog I wrote on WordPress would have gotten me arrested if I were in China.  Think of it!  You all would have missed out on all kinds of shitty writing.

I bet this picture was taken before 2014, or the lady is in a Chinese prison.

I bet she’s not even a real maid.  The clothes are far too impractical.  She’s outdoors.  Plus, she’s dusting a wall, and a real maid would know to use a vacuum cleaner.  And if she were practical, she’d have some kind of power tool for outdoor work  And she’d be indoors, like THIS lady:

Because cleaning house sucks.  And when it doesn’t suck, it blows.  Half of these toys probably represent puns in English.  Because Hasbro- a fine manufacturing company- makes great toys, in China.  From CSR.Hasbro.com:

Third-Party Factories

We maintain close partnerships with our third-party vendors and factories, the majority of which are located in China, and require that they adhere to our Global Business Ethics Principles. In addition, third-party factories located in ICTI CARE jurisdictions must comply with its program. In 2013, we identified additional factories outside China where we expect to begin production during 2014. 
Holy carp!  I wonder if they were forced to move because the law banned the production of anything pun-related in China?  I wonder if I can haz-bro?

I can haz - I can Haz Bro?

I like my freedom of expression.

I like my sense of humor, despite it being full of horrible puns, and what my kids have declared “bad dad humor.”  I want it to run wild and free, and I want the same for my children and their children.  For that reason, and because I like Chinese food but I don’t want to ever get to the point of just calling it “food,” I don’t ever want to move to China.  I also hear they arrest you or do mean things to you if you are a Christ-follower and dare to discuss the same with anyone.  I like my freedom of speech and having the right to peacefully assemble.  Not that I want to go out and go so much lately, but I like being free to do so if I decide I feel like it.
And just for pun, look at this picture from http://www.china.org.cn/features/60years/2009-10/01/content_18639929.htm

…because this is also band in China.  Well, crap.  On preview the pic doesn’t show  up.  So just go to the link.  Sorry.

And this:

is gold band in china.

And now, something pertinent to my circumstance.  Why do poor people like me bake their own bread at home?

Image result for knead the dough meme
Because they knead the dough.


It’s the Chinese police calling.  They want to extradite me to pun prison.  Tell them I’m too square for their jail,  because I’m

 Knot Available.

I found this on
http://mysecretkitchenrecipes.blogspot.com/2013/05/fig-honey-dough-knots.html.  It looks delicious and I think I’ll be following them now.  You should too.  WOW.


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