Country Song Library, +1

Today I thought I might start the day with country music.  Not the stuff that makes me cry.  The stuff that makes me laugh.  Especially after yesterday’s poem.  I need something to lighten up.  So I did an internet search for “Humorous Country Songs.”  And I found Billy Currington’s “Like My Dog.” Toby Keith’s “Red Solo Cup,” “Freddy Mac can kiss my ass” never fails to make me chuckle.  I don’t drink THAT much and I really don’t like to party, but they look like they’re having fun so that’s all right.  And Brad Paisley “I’m Gonna Miss Her,” because I like to fish.

Yesterday a friend of mine sent me his funny country song he wrote, but it’s not published yet so I can’t link to it and share with you, but it was about a certain brand of bourbon whiskey, in a good way.

So I figured since I’m just fucked this week, with my depression, maybe I could write a country song too.  Something with a little twist that makes it funny.

So here it is:

Apoca-lips,  Deon Mumple, 07/15/2016

For the zombie apocalypse, my girl’s got the perfect hips, I love her .44s,
Strapped around 38, man, I can hardly wait to watch her blow away a walking corpse.
And I’ve got a thing for how she can swing that baseball bat equipped with spikes,
Red hair in the breeze, swaying with ease, all those curves that her man likes,
We’ll padlock the gates, check the sensors, in place, and go to our bunker, below,
And I will not share what we’ll do in there, but I think you probably know.

All I can say is, I’ll love her all day, those eyes dance to the whiskey we sip,
And we’ll never fight, ’cause she’ll hold me tight and say “Kiss my apoca-lips.”

Some people fear that the end is near, ask the preacher.  Have you seen the signs?
Fear can’t touch us, if the zombie virus comes we’re ready to face the end times
A shot to the head, and those living dead will forget they were after our brains
We’re all right so far, I’ve got my guitar, we can sing some old songs about trains
She’s so beautiful, her voice, musical to me, then after all their attacks
I’ll say “I love you,” she’ll say “I love you too, here’s a drink babe, to help you relax.”

All I can say is, I’ll love her all day, those eyes dance to the whiskey we sip,
And we’ll never fight, ’cause all through the night, she’ll say “Kiss my apoca-lips.”

We’ll have some fun, I’ve got my loaded gun; We’ll survive through the Revelation,
It may be doomsday, let’s go out and play anyway.  How many of ’em can we outrun?
Us, hand in hand, making our last stand, ’til the ammo runs out or they’re all dead,
All I can see is her, smiling at me, while she fills a zombie’s head with lead.
Then when we’re tired, and the last shots are fired we can go to our bunker below,
And I will not share what we’ll do in there, but I think you probably know.

All I can say is, I’ll love her all day, those eyes dance to the whiskey we sip,
And we’ll never fight, ’cause she’ll hold me tight and say “Kiss my apoca-lips.”

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7 thoughts on “Country Song Library, +1

  1. “Pray For You”, Jaron and The Long Road Home. Hands down, greatest funny country song. Best video, too.

    Now put down the duct tape and other rednecky country things and resume living like a civilized member of the tribe polar. Ya know, with barbwire, botulism, and bats. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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