Dear God, it’s me. …Deon. You know that already, right?
“God is not the author of confusion, but the author of peace.” I Corinthians 14:33a
I woke up today thinking it was Tuesday.
With that, I’ve ripped the half-verse completely out of its’ context. Or have I? Today is, says my calendar and my computer, Wednesday. And I was “guess[ing] what day it is.” No, I will not regale you with more context from that idiotic commercial, although I confess it IS catchy and amusing. I don’t even know what the product was being advertised, and you don’t have to remind me what they were selling. The character took in everyone’s minds, but the product, well, not so much. At least not in my mind. The mascot is supposed to remind us what the product is, but instead it only reminds us what day it is because morning radio and TV suck and they still seem to bring up that character. Some DJ was playing that on yesterday on the radio on the way home at 6PM. WTH? They couldn’t wait for Wednesday. And despite that, this morning, in my morning brain-fuzz, said fuzz told me it was Tuesday.
I checked the computer and did the Wednesday morning tasks, housework, on my way out the door to work. When you do what I do, which is answer phone calls with questions from idiots, all day long, every day, if you’re me you have two responses: 1) I NEVER answer the phone at home unless I see the call trace and it’s Mrs M. and 2) Days smoosh grotesquely, one blending horror-mogeneously into one another until Friday night. And Saturday Morning. And Saturday night.
Strangely I was too tired to be unhappy thinking it was only Tuesday, and when I found out it was actually Wednesday I was only just a little bit happier. Tuesday: the forgotten bastard stepchild of the work week. But I’m off topic again, sorry for muddling and confusing the reader. See, I’m NOT God.
I firmly believe “God is not the author of confusion.” And not just in the confusing arena of spiritual gifts, which is where this verse is rooted. But IN the arena of spiritual gifts, I think there are charlatans of two kinds: 1) the kind that fake it to puff themselves up in order to make themselves seem more important, more loved by God somehow and 2) the kind that say the spiritual gifts don’t happen in the modern era. I believe John 14:12 is still in effect because Jesus said it and didn’t say anything after that to undo what he said. Both of these confusing people muddle up Christianity, and it’s muddled enough. God allows confusion just like he allowed Satan to fuck with Job in the Old Testament, and I wish He wouldn’t. And God allows confusion but points out that idea because He knew there would be fakers and liars and denial-preachers.
I want peace. My God isn’t the author of war, of conflict, of disunity, of suicide bombers, of child abuse, of disease, of hatred, of any of these confusing things. God is supposed to be the author of peace. I’m praying for peace, on a Wednesday.
I fought my way to work today, through trying to figure out what to have for lunch, through the extra trip to the bathroom on the way out the door, through taking the trash to the curb, through the coughing congestion fit, through the traffic, through the locked doors since we have to either have a badge or be let in (I was let in until I find the badge I lost or pay for a replacement.), through the passwords into the work systems. And now I fight my way through the calls. And then I’ll fight through traffic.
“Six days you should labor and do all your work, and on the seventh, rest.” (Exodus 20:9, Deuteronomy 5:13) So for six days I get to fight against all hell and routine, and on the seventh I’m supposed to be allowed to rest. On second thought, routine isn’t an addition to hell. Routine is part of hell. The boredom. The lack of fulfillment. The lack of peace.
I was confused about that for a few minutes, just like the Tuesday issue, because I thought I remembered reading something about work being a gift from God, which is nonsense. It turned out I did not remember the exact words, which are:
Ecclesiastes 5: 18 This is what I have observed to be good: that it is appropriate for a person to eat, to drink and to find satisfaction in their toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given them—for this is their lot.
See, it says “LOT.” NOT “gift.”
And I also found out why I had thought it said “gift,” because right there in the next verse it says
Ecclesiastes 5: 19 Moreover, when God gives someone wealth and possessions,and the ability to enjoy them, to accept their lot and be happy in their toil—this is a gift of God. 20 They seldom reflect on the days of their life, because God keeps them occupied with gladness of heart.
It’s a gift of God to have wealth and possessions and the ability to enjoy them and to accept their lot and to be happy while working. It’s not a gift to live in want, nor to be unhappy in my work. I want this gift. Because I don’t have this gift, I am tired, depressed, discouraged, empty, bored, angry, bitter, and all the other words.
So, God? I know You’re busy running a universe and all, but if you have a second or two, can I please have this gift? It’s what I’ve been asking for for about 15 or so years. It seems like a simple enough request. I want to be “someone.”
I want to be THAT “someone.”