Fairy Tale, Fucked

The first time it happened I was overwhelmed,
Those butterflies from my gut to my head
And my heart in the middle could hardly process
The notes of the song my soul sang

It was like something out of a fairy tale
Like she was the wizard, and I, Dorothy Gale
Or I was asleep and she kissed me awake
Until it all turned out to be fake
And the door slammed with a bang.

What the fuck!? My illusion was blown apart
Along with the song playing in my heart
The score fell apart like an earthquake-shattered frame
I felt like my life could never be the same
All the notes fell soundless from the page
And my feelings were crushed, twisted to rage
She made it feel like it was my fault, when she said
She never felt the same, it was all in my head

It was all in my head?

FUCK!

She did this when I didn’t have a way to cope
I didn’t know what to do, how to feel, lost my hope
The fairy tale I was told could come true was just a lie
So what’s a boy in shining armor to do? Curl up and die?
I lived through it in spite of her
Although I felt my whole young life was over
Now you’ve led me on through several years
With the power, without words, to reduce me to tears.

I let it happen all over again!  Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, FUCK!
Why isn’t my heart callused? Hurt again, my life just sucks!
I feel the feelings all over again
I think the feelings through again.

This time I’ve decided,

Life isn’t fairy tales; for me the happy end wasn’t true
But it’s not over yet; I’m strong enough to get over you
You aren’t worth my heart bleeding out,
You aren’t worth the feelings of self-doubt,
I’ll walk away and heal slowly, until I want to try again
The dark clouds don’t stay overhead, they only come by now and then

The discord feels unending, I feel nauseous, acid-gut
I only want to scream, a reason for the soul-deep darkness, but
You aren’t worth making me feel like my life’s score came out all wrong
I’m not your instrument to play.  This is MY song

This is my song.

 

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