I’m ignoring last week and Sunday. And I’m ignoring the dread (INSERT MUSICAL STING!!
…or was it this one:
of the coming weekend.
Since I can’t remember if I’ve ever done a math language dissection, this one is the MLD-I. (MLD, you’ll recall is short for mould, which means it’s pronounced Mould-y) Oh, bother! It’s supposed to be “one.” Whichever you like.
I’m moving on and letting go after a long weekend we shall not recall, long not for the joy and extended time spent reveling, but rather for darker reasons, muscle aches, and ears ringing from the verbal crap, bad computer vines and odd songs, rudely shoved into them by the whole family. Oh, and a guilt-trip inducing sermon because yeah, I’m still not fucking perfect. Do NOT start with the Elsa shit.
ON TO THE MOULDY ONE! Oh, shit. I mean, ON TO THE MATH WORD DISSECTION!!!
Today I woke up and had no extra time to deal with myself. Shower and deodorant and I got dressed, that’s really enough grooming for anyone. Sure, I’m unshaven, but thank you for not noticing since it’s only been 24 or so hours since my last approach to the razor’s edge. There were three of them and but for the safety features I might have cut jugulars. I don’t look like anything bad if I don’t shave, but Mrs. M says my “beard” is stabby. Well la ti da, it’s only stabby if I shave it and I only shave it because you hate it, so whose fucking fault is THAT?! And you only notice if you bother to kiss me and how long has THAT been?
So, since my mind is not lingering on the sweetness of a kiss from the morning, I am acutely aware that I have ear wax in my ears. They itch. I have no cotton swabs. Swabs, that sounds pirate-y and it’s not talk like a pirate day so I can’t go off on that tangent. Yet. But if I don’t miss it, wait for it. September 19, 2016, I looked it up. Just now.
Oh shit! “Tangent” is another one of those math words that needs dissecting. Tune in again another day, for MLD-2.
But no, NO, the word is a mathematical term, “acute.” In math the word acute means sharp and pointy, the “opposite” of which is either “linear” or “obtuse.” I’m amazed to share that anything about me is “a-cute,” and not “a turnoff.” I need a cotton swab or a sharp spoony instrument to scrape the wax out before it builds up in there Shrek style, and I can make a candle out of it. You saw the movie, you know what I’m talking about. If you didn’t, well, you have to see it now to believe it. Why does one of those opposites say lin-ear? Did they know about ear wax when they were inventing the language of mathematics, and what the fuck is a “lin?” Is it a straight pointy spoon-thingy used to scrape out the wax from one’s “ear,” hence “lin-ear” means a straight pointy thing?
I couldn’t use a spork, I might puncture my eardrums with that. So hand those sporks to someone obtuse. Tell them to jam those things in hard, until they feel something inside. Being obtuse, they probably won’t understand, and when they stick it in, it’ll come right out the other side. Unless I’m wrong about being obtuse.
There’s even a Bible verse that says something about being obtuse:
2 Timothy 4:3King James Version (KJV)
3 For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears;
In the context it means they want to hear what they want to hear, they want to proverbially have their itching ears scratched. It means they’re not keen to hear “sound doctrine” (aka “sensible teachings”), rather they want to hear they’re doing fine and don’t have to worry about fixing anything.
Well fuck me, because I want the same thing. I’m lusty, I want my wife to want me, and I want her to tell me what I want to hear, damn it!! All I want to hear is this:
My ears are a-cute. They’re not obtuse, and neither am I. I also want to hear I’m wanted, not just for someone else’s selfish or nefarious use, but rather for my own damned selfish AND nefarious use. Use me, Mrs. M. And then tell me sweet things that would make my children blush and/or want to puke.
Dream on, Mr. M., dream on. “Dream until your dreams come true.” There, I’ve just handed the knowledgeable a perfect ear+worm. Just try a linear to get THAT out. Or, enjoy. Your choice.
Just don’t listen to anyone in my damned family because they’ll tell you I am. I don’t think I want to know what an obtuse is. It probably means “obt-,” “someone who you;” + “use,” which really sucks. I’m tired of feeling used.
Of course I know the textbook definitions, acute meaning sharp or piercing or pointy and obtuse being not very sharp. Damn it, my ears ARE acute. They look sharp. I hear perfectly, except when there’s too much ear wax in there, which has never happened because that would bother me a lot. They’re the acute-est ears you’ve never seen.
Pass me a nice, soft linear cotton swab, will you please?