A SPIN: Animals and Stupid People Interacting Negatively, 5/17/2016
This is MY spin: People are stupid. Sorry, people. Guess I’ve offended my entire audience. That should work to reduce my readers’ burden of picking their favorite writers when they cull the blogs they read. I’m off that list now for sure. But then, consider the case of Donald Trump. He’s offended fucking EVERYONE and they’re still saying they’re going to vote for him. Maybe he’s better than the Clinton option. I mean, a fucking bumbling idiot (“I hate Mexicans, Muslims and fat ugly chicks”), or a fucking chronic scam artist (“Sorry, Benghazi soldiers, you’re fucked.” & “Let’s trade terrorists for our deserter.”); which is worse? They’re almost the same, hard to decide.
OK, so I blended political opinion with an article about animals, sorry again.
Spoiler: This is going to go 50/50 for you animal lovers.
Item One: The Animal and the Human both lose
Are you reading about the stupid woman who went swimming with the shark and got bit? Animal rights advocates are saying she should be charged with animal cruelty. She was tormenting that poor fish! She’s awful! Not to mention, the poor shark probably died! Let’s litigate and lock up this monster.
OK animal rights activists, calm down. Think logically. This is a fish we’re talking about. You probably flush a goldfish every 3 to 6 months from your kid’s aquarium, so maybe you’re the one who should be arrested for cruelty. I say, all she was doing was noodling. You know, where you go in the water, put an appetizing looking body part out there, the fish bites (usually a finger), and you either lose the body part, land it, or get drowned. We’ve all seen the shows, and usually the fisherman is wading in the river looking for big catfish.
Charging her with animal cruelty is a waste of valuable court time. I have a much simpler solution. What she needs to do is 1) be required to buy a fishing license, 2) pay the fee for fishing without a license, and 3) pay for her own medical expenses. And I say, if she makes good on all that and the fish is legal to keep, let her dispose of it in her own way. She’s already invested blood to keep it, I say make her pay the fish and game commission, and let her have her trophy.
Item Two: The Humans are idiots, the Animal Loses
Here’s the case for animal cruelty. Among other things, the signs clearly say, “Do Not Approach Bison.” They’re very clear, as adult bison have been known to gore, about like a mad bull will gore you if you piss it off. They also say, do not feed the bears your pick-a-nik basket (since they like arms and legs too).
Common sense says, these animals are wild. By definition, that means they don’t interact with humans, and at the park you really should take nothing but pictures, leave nothing but memories. Leave it like you found it so the next tourist can take the same tour and see the same things. But the stupid human decided it would be a good idea to approach. Got away with that. Next, the stupid human decided it would be a good idea to touch a baby bison. It looked cold, so the stupid human decided, “my car is warm, maybe I’ll give this wild animal a nice warm up. Next, the stupid human took the bison baby for a ride. To the ranger station. “Do you think you can do something about this poor cold baby bison?” “Yes, we can take it back to its’ mommy, if you didn’t stink it up too much. Momma bisons don’t take kindly to adoption rejections, so if you adopted it and stank it up too much with your human stench, and your car heater, taking it back might not work too good for Junior here.”
Update: Junior was rejected after the stupid, botched adoption attempt. And because park rangers don’t have a place to raise a herd of adopted rejected baby bison, this one was “euthanized.” That’s the politically correct way of saying they killed the baby bison because the stupid humans mistreated it.
Stupid humans. Bison have been roaming the American landscape since there were bison on the American landscape. Bison mommies know how to take care of their babies. Stupid humans don’t. These stupid humans make a strong case for euthanasia. Of stupid humans. But we don’t do that to our own, yet. At least not stupid ones. There are examples of power crazed lunatics and other nut-jobs killing and torturing other humans, but the practice is generally frowned upon by the civilized parts of the world.
With that said, I can’t resist a third animal. And I’m sad to report,
Item Three, the human is an idiot, ALL humanity loses.
I’ve had enough of hate baiting. So if you’re in the hate baiting business, fuck you. On second thought you might like it, so be celibate for a year as your penalty. That’s right, it’s the UN-FUCK YOU Penalty. The third animal is the hate baiting human. It’s not enough idiot business owners are harassed by idiot customers. We have differences and need to mutually respect one another. But stupid humans have no respect for one another. This is why we have ISIL, kidnapped orphan women in Africa, bombings in Baghdad and other parts of the world, terrorists, beheadings and crucifixions of Christ-followers, rapists, muggers, spouse abusers, child abusers, racists, and other types of fucking idiots. Wait, let me check the list to make sure I’m not on it. Oh, fuck it. I hate the haters and the uncivilized ass holes who mistreat others, therefore, fuck me. But I’m not writing about me.
It would be bad enough if a business were stupid enough to turn down good money for their excellent products on religious grounds, but that would be acceptable to me inasmuch as here in the United States, where we’re supposed to have religious freedoms, we aren’t supposed to be allowed to infringe on someone’s religious practice or their perception of morality. I’m fine with a shop owner saying (albeit foolishly), no I can’t take your money and sell you my pizza because you’re holding hands with another boy (or girl). Fine, we’ll go to a different pizza shop and let others know online that you didn’t like us. But using an innocent person for your personal hate-baiting gain?
There are different pizza bakers, there are different cake bakeries, why harass this one because he doesn’t like your body piercings? (See what I did there? Think about it…) Just go down the street to another one. But this guy takes the cake. And fucks with the owner just because he felt like it, just because he’s an ass hole hate baiter. And he’s supposed to be a fucking PASTOR?! I’d make a better pastor than that shithead. Pastor Jordan Brown, step down. “If you have not love, you are banging your own gong and clanging your own cymbal. ” You are worthless. He is banging a gong of hatred, clanging a cymbal of lies, spreading a mess of a message that’s not in my Bible.
He took the cake, made and decorated with the message “love wins,” and then added his own self-hating, hate baiting, fucked-up message, to stir up shit that didn’t need more stirring, and he hijacked the bakery and kidnapped this poor baker down a road of slander. Not only should this pastor step down, he should be arrested and fined for court costs, harassment, slander, and causing a loss of business to the bakery owner, and emotional distress. The message on the cake was “love wins.” But in this case, love lost, and humanity lost.
People, please, don’t be stupid around the animals. And, people, please don’t be animals around the other people. Animals, I know you aren’t reading this but I’m sorry for using the term “animals,” you’re all just doing what you naturally do, it’s not you. It’s the stupid humans. Maybe I should have used the word “monsters.”