If There Were (tw)

If There Were, 4/18/2016, Deon Mumple

If there were a death it was mine yesterday,
When my soul wanted to kill my body
Only logic barely
Held sway.

But trapped inside, my soul is still dead
I’m only here for friends and family
They think they still need me
Useless.

Serenity has got nothing on me
I have no wisdom, I have no courage
I’m powerless to change
Fuck me.

If there were a death it would be today
When my soul still wants to kill my body
Feeling eternally
Dismayed

I’m left feeling empty, foolish, useless
I can’t escape; I’m trapped, immobilized
All attempts, all I’ve tried,
Worthless

I realize reality’s no fun
Everyone’s dealt from the same deck of cards
I want to give up hard
I’m done.

If there were a death, maybe tomorrow.
Wish I were alive.  If I could insure
Others wouldn’t be hurt
I’d go.

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6 thoughts on “If There Were (tw)

  1. Most of the time I view myself as living dead girl. The best parts of me died long ago but my body hasn’t gotten the memo so I just keep going like that bloody battery bunny.

    Point being, I relate. Stick around for others even when every fiber feels dead.

    Like

    1. I’m grateful to know you’re a kindred spirit. Thanks. I sure hope my sticking around means something to someone. I’m finding it difficult today and this past weekend (rant to follow? nah, why bother?) to believe much of anything abouthttps://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Philippians+4%3A19&version=KJV, but hey, maybe it’s a different verse for today. https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans+8:17&version=NIV Frankly I hate both verses when the “needs” one feels false and the “suffering” one feels true.

      Liked by 1 person

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