Clueless in the Clutter

I’m so very disappointed.  There I was navigating through life, with a certain set of expectations:  1. Life will improve as technology improves and as we learn more, in the “information” age. 2. As people have more information available to them, they will become smarter.  Right?

Wrong.

Example 1: I told the email service providers I am a guy, and I’m married, and I also was required to tell them where I live, (not southern, like Florida or Gulf of Mexico side of Texas) so that should have eliminated several types of sidebar advertisements.  Right?

Wrong.

I expected to not see advertisements for singles, a given.  I told them again, by alerting them that such advertisements weren’t appropriate for my situation.  Did they stop?  Fuck, no.  I’m still getting that shit and I’m tired of looking at sad but beautiful women looking for love.  Look elsewhere, I’m fucking taken and I don’t want to see your smiling glamour shots with emphasis on cleavage.  Don’t get me wrong.  I “really love… peaches” (thank you, Steve Miller Band- if you’re too young to know the song it’s called The Joker), and honestly, you ARE gorgeous. And so are your …peaches.  But I only want to see one pair, thank you very much.  So, advertisers, could you fucking STOP with the singles ads, please?

Please, take no offense if you are single and you use an online dating service.  It’s not your fault.  Honestly, you’re gorgeous too.  It’s just my observation.  It’s the truth.  And I dearly love you and hope you find the right guy, not the other guys.  It’s not your fault the advertisers are showing the singles ads to a married guy.  it’s the advertiser’s and the email service provider’s faults.  If I’m an example, I can only imagine that a less scrupulous married man might be tempted to go astray to win your …adultery.  Not to mention I’m well aware of how very many worthless bags of skin there are out there, both single AND married, trolling for your heart to break, your cash to loot, your car to borrow, your innocence to crush, your emotions to abuse.  So, I’m sorry.  I’m so sorry.  They’re just fucking losers.

As a guy, I expected to see advertisements for men’s clothing, coats, shoes, hats, boots. It’s winter, I may need something.  I expected not to see advertisements for women’s clothing.  But I still see the advertisements for women’s clothes when I need a fucking pair of warm socks.  Why am I seeing ads for women’s clothing?   And why, for the love of God, are these advertisements for women’s fucking SUMMER clothes? Would someone please tell the advertisers that It’s Janu-fucking-ary?

January.  The temperature is a balmy -5 degrees Celsius.  Oh.  Math.  It’s 22 degrees Fahrenheit.  There is fucking SNOW on the ground.  Do I see ads with women sporting warm, fur-lined coats and gloves?  Boots?  Scarves?  Fuck, no.

There I sit, looking at skimpy, skin-tight, short t-shirt dresses.  If the information age was as good as I was promised it would be, the ads would show something appropriate for my wife, not my midlife crisis.  Again, these models ARE gorgeous.  But they don’t look anything like my wife’s body shape, and I don’t want one of those, not to mention I can’t afford one of those, which the information age should also have told the advertisers.

It’s an epic failure.

I’m not even mentioning, except here in passing, the spam in my email box and the idiots trying to sabotage my computer just for being online, but while I’m passing I’ll just say to them all, in big fat letters, “fuck you, ass holes.”

Example 2:  I drove to work today, and there’s snow on the ground, and on the roadways.  It’s slippery.  There are two failures here too:

People are sliding off the road, losing traction, not paying attention, trying to go too fast, etc.  All the natural consequences of snow and ice.

First, why, for the love of our intact bumpers, mirrors, and side and door panels, do we not have tires that get traction on icy roads?  We’ve made so much technological progress we have anti-lock brakes, and my car has some kind of “traction control system” the computer tripped this morning, not where I needed it on the curve of the turn or the roundabouts, of course, but on the straight-away, not when I was trying to stop but while I was fucking coasting between braking intervals.  That’s great, if it works for you.  But in this age of technology, can someone please design a wheel with traction-enabling spike-spokes that come out to grab through the snow and ice whenever the computer senses I’m skidding and trying to not plow into the car in front of me or skid off entirely, or skid into the curb at the side of the  road?  The computer knows we need them, and knows when we need them, but we just have these crappy tires with tread that gets packed with snow and then get no traction when we need it.

And second, why for the love of the same, and we’ll add my life, my money, and my sanity, do you fuckers insist on driving fucking INCHES from my fucking bumper when I’m trying to drive cautiously down the road and minding my own business?  If I had to stop, even if I could on these snow-packed tire treads, you’re so damned close, your snow-packed tire treads would just skid you into my bumper costing me money, because our insurance companies are a racket to get our money, not to actually help us.  So would you please, for everyone’s peace of mind, fucking BACK. THE FUCK. OFF?  I know you’re in a hurry.  Go the fuck around me and try to push the guy in front of me.  And when you rear end that poor schmuck, I’ll try not to rear end you.

Alas, another epic failure of the modern age.  We were supposed to get smarter, but by and large, on average, we’re still fucking idiots.  It’s just physics.  Yes, I have a college degree and I did study it, but just one class.  Life will teach you about momentum if you’ll just pay attention.  I don’t want to teach you about it after you fuck up my car.

Speaking of technology, I saw an online article, someone pinch me so I know I wasn’t dreaming, about solar road surfaces.  The panels collect energy and also can conduct heat, meaning no ice in winter, no potholes.  My tax dollars would love that innovation.  If you’re scared about your investment, try it just on the street corners and traffic circles first.  I bet you’ll make money off my tax dollars, which would mean they’re actually at work, for me AND for you, Mr or Mrs Politician.  And I won’t be fishtailing all over trying to get around the circles or trying to stop at the red lights.

I’m still waiting for those seemingly simple technological innovations that actually help me.  I’m still waiting on the information age to become a smashing success to help us all get what we need that improves our quality of life.  But right now, I’m still getting inappropriate advertisements for things I don’t need and shouldn’t want.  And I’m still not able to stop comfortably in snow and ice.

I’m still waiting for people to get smarter too, but right now, we’re all basically fucked by the general, average person because they’re idiots.  Sorry, it’s the truth until we all learn to play nicely, share nicely, stop hating each other, and individually take responsibility to learn all we can.  I only hate you if you’re a fucking selfish idiot with no common sense, and/or a desire to make me dead.  Honest.  Let’s try to help our teachers afford a decent quality of life while educating the next generation, instead of penalizing them because kids can sometimes be irresponsible idiots who don’t give a shit about shit.  Maybe if a teacher doesn’t have to worry about where their groceries and medicine are coming from, and doesn’t feel obligated to buy the kids breakfast or notebooks and pens and other sundries (“I said ‘sundries,'” smiles Deon proudly.), they’ll be able to just teach, and the average person will be smarter in the long run.

When does superior technology and superior information start to help us get past being clueless in the clutter?

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5 thoughts on “Clueless in the Clutter

  1. So what you are saying is, the only tree you want to shake belongs to your Mrs?
    Don’t feel bad, I get ads for male enhancement aids and last I checked, my penis size was just fine.

    As for tail gate drivers…The naughty girl inside me wants a bumper sticker that’d really get the local conservatives in a bunch: “If you’re gonna ride my ass, the least you could do is pull my hair.”

    I’m an antagonist that way.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. maybe spike-sporks would do the trick. and fuck yeah I want to watch Mrs M’s “tree” shake. Or sway, like she’s in a gentle breeze, mmmmmmmmmmmmmfuckyeahhhhh… You guys and gals can all just dream on and fuck off about that, she’s mine. She’s not your mid-life crisis kind of girl anyway.

      Glad to know your penis is of an appropriately ample proportion ROLMFAO! That’s hot. It’s almost comforting to know the advertisers fuck up sending ads to everyone, not just me, but I do worry about the adulterers, stalkers and the other wastes of skin and my single friends. And my daughter. I will kill a heartbreaker without breaking a sweat, upon her request. I will kill an abuser, very slowly, without breaking a sweat, if I see any inappropriate marks, or if I find out it happened. And I will always take her back, no questions asked except about her money, from a loser.

      That bumpersticker. There’s quite a market for road ragers, Just for days like today, I want one that says “I apologize for driving too close in front of you.”

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Love your use of the word ‘fuck,’ it’s appropriately refreshing in this case. I think I’m getting your adverts….men’s coats, boots, shoes and sky diving? When did I ever say I wanted to do that? I also don’t need penile enhancements because as I stated in three different languages, I’m a woman and if I want a penis, I’ll buy a strap-on. Great wit and humour.

    Liked by 1 person

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