This. This exactly, is what I want for Christmas. I want “the ability to deal with” “problems.” I honestly don’t care if they go away, I’ve given up all hope of that early in life. After all, I accept John 16:33 as Truth from “The Truth.” 33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
“Are You there, God? It’s me, [Deon]… “(you literary folks might remember Margaret)
Ok Jesus, YOU have overcome the world, but I haven’t. This shit is fucking overwhelming and I can’t deal with it, and I want to be happy. I know we’re supposed to be “joyful,” I know that’s different. Fine, I’d love a dose of “joy.” To me, Joy is being able to trust that God will take care of me and carry me through the problems. And I don’t feel that joy for a myriad of reasons. Most of them involve problems that I can’t deal with, that continually crop up faster than I can deal with them.
I honestly don’t mind the problems, I just want to be able to deal with them. The bills. The things that fall apart. The doctor, the dentist (I’m at an age where my teeth are falling apart more pricey than I can afford to fix them), the auto mechanic (cars is at that age too), the plumber, the time I don’t have to deal with house things and family obligations.
And if I can’t deal with them, God who taught Paul to say “My God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus,” (Philippians 4:19) “exceeding, abundantly, above all that we ask or think” (Ephesians 3) then would You please “supply?” Not 4 days too late like Lazarus and me where we need a huge miracle, but on time so it can just be your average, everyday run of the mill miracle?
Yeah I said “Lazarus and me.” I said it because my needs are being supplied, it’s just taking forfuckingever. I want times when I’m free from these fillings that are old falling out and teeth cracking, medical bills, mood swings, car hoses and gunk and rotting and antifreeze and tires, and on and on (and on) not to mention all the things I’m praying about for friends because I’ve all but given up praying for me. So if you would, because I know you can, according to Ephesians, I would love that. And I’ll tell everyone about it. Just like Mary and Martha (and Lazarus) told everyone about that whole after-death-experience of Lazarus’.