42 Things

42.  I started this list with the title.

41.  No, really.

40.  My friend wonders if elephants are just wooly mammoths that shed their fur like a cat or dog sheds when it’s hot.
39.  I want to gradually introduce elephants to colder and colder temps to test that theory, but some ass holes keep killing them even though ivory was SO 1970s.  I’ll need at least six generations of the migrating herd before I’ll have enough data.
38.  When the elephants all go extinct (translation, after the ass holes kill all of the elephants, you fucking morons) will the ass holes then start killing all of the walruses?
37.  Why can’t the fucking poachers shoot the fucking terrorists and vice versa?
36.  With my ADD I haven’t had nearly enough caffeine today, I’m wondering how long before I lose interest in compiling a list of 42 things.
35.  WTF is wrong with rapists and child abusers and killers and other controlling, manipulative ass holes?  You don’t have to exert power to get what you want, unless you are just a sick fuck who gets off on hurting or killing other people.  Being nice works sometimes, although it might require that you develop a kind soul.  But if you’re this kind of sick fuck, please go turn yourself in somewhere.  Especially killers.  “Quickly, there’s no time.”
34.  I believe in hell.  All 35-ers will report there upon death, whether they expect it or not.  There is no fucking paradise with or without virgins for anyone who does that sick shit.  In the modern era, killing in the name of any god or religion or “religious law” is just wrong.  What the fuck, are we back in primitive culture?  And why are you killing people anyway?  Don’t we all die fast enough?
33.  I believe there is a special place reserved in hell, with extra torment and gnashing of teeth, set up JUST for all you people in category 35. Fuckers.  Because you have a soul, it’s just entirely evil, and I think Satan has plans for it.
32.  I think poaching an animal is less offensive than murdering a human being.  But not much less.
31. I am not a vegetarian, a vegan or any other kind of non-meat vegetable.  Breed more cows and sheep and chickens, please.  Because I won’t eat an elephant or a walrus.
30. Also make more broccoli, potatoes, onions, garlic, cheese, green beans, eggs, fish,  and fruit.  ALL kinds of fruit and vegetables.  Except Asparagus. That is nasty. And brussel sprouts.  Who decided that brussel sprouts and asparagus should be cultivated as food, when there are so many vegetables that actually TASTE GOOD?
29.  Shawarma is delicious, but when did we give up on the proper pronounciation of the Greek word Gyro (PLEASE, don’t say jai-roh, say gyeee-roh, with a hard but hardly pronounced “g”) in favor of Arabic?
28.  Things that make me go hmm include, why am I being forced to learn Arabic and things about Muslims instead of just letting my natural curiosity lead me to learn things I want to learn?  Is this just preparation for when they take over the world?
27.  If the word of last year was Shawarma, “A Levantine Arab Meat Preparation,” and if the Muslim terrorists are going to take over the world, by killing all others, how do I say, “If you kill me I’ll splash bacon-fat on you?”  Or how about “Yes I believe in Jesus but please don’t kill me, you fucking idiot murdering terrorists, until you read 35?”  And now people think I hate Muslims, but that’s just not so. I only hate the ones who would cheerfully cut my head off or shoot me or blow me into tiny bacon bits.
26.  For the record, shawarma is delicious, and so is a lot of other Arabic food.  If there is a great unifier that will cause the world to have an outbreak of peace, it’s if we all share all our food with everyone in the whole world, and they all share with us.  What am I saying?
25. That’s NEVER going to happen because there are ass holes like in 35.
24.  If I believed I could haunt people after I was dead, I’d be a little Jiminy Cricket, or better still Sam Kinison in Tales From the Crypt’s “For Crying Out Loud,” and haunt the people in 35 until they were either repentant or dead.
23.

22. All of the things that divide one human from another are based on lies.  This includes selfishness (pride), superiority complexes including hatred (psychoses), and religions (prideful psychoses).
21. Led Zeppelin and The Doors are the two bands I could listen to without getting sick of their music if there were no other bands in the world.
20. The Beatles are a close third but there are a few songs I turn off.
19.  I like most genres of music and only turn off a few songs or artists who either offend me with lyric or attitude.  I don’t like
18.  There was no reason for the East/West coast feud in the rap world, except assholes trying to sell more records.  There was and is talent on both sides of the United States and everywhere in between and they didn’t need to insult, demean, attack, kill or attempt to kill, or any of the other asinine shit they did.  I don’t mind braggadocio, I even liked Eminem (Detroit, MI), Gerardo (Ecua-fucking-dor), Vanilla Ice (Dallas, TX), MC Hammer (Oakland, CA), Toby Mac (Virginia), and Humpty Hump (New York).  I love it when you keep it fun, and I discovered even country music has a sense of humor sometimes.  Speaking of rap, anyone hear of Lin Manuel Miranda (NY)?  My friend said he was awesome and HE IS.  See “In the Heights” and now “Hamilton.”  Daaaaammmmnnnnn!!!!
17.  I love classical music and today I was listening to Vivaldi’s “Winter.”
16. I love contemporary music and poetry and yesterday I listened to a band I like called Jet.  Wicked awesome.
15. I want a purple electric violin, and a regular “acoustic” one too.
14.  Holidays like Christmas and Easter and Halloween don’t suck.  People do, and they ruin the holidays for everyone else.
13.  I don’t like Christmas carols in any months except November (after Thanksgiving), December (before Dec 26)
12.  I hate shopping and this year I did it quick just to get it out of the way.
11.  I’m making things for my real friends instead of buying anything else.
10.  I’m out of tea.
9.  x 4.=36.

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