Guernseys, Gender Sensitivity, Profit, & Clear Separation of Church And State

“I’m sorry,” said the fireman, “you’re gay so I’m not going to put out the fire in your house and I’m not going to help you escape.”

“I’m sorry,” said the client service representative.  “You’re obviously odd in some way (I can tell from your voice), so I don’t want to help you.  Please call a different company for assistance.”

“I’m sorry,” said the high school students, “you’re transgender identifying as female so the boys don’t want your skirt in their bathroom and the girls don’t want a penis in their bathroom.  Hold it in until you get home, or wear pants, take your penis with you, and go to the boys room.”

“I’m sorry,” said the baker, “but you’re gay so I don’t want to make you a celebration cake for your event.”

“I’m sorry,” said the court registrar, “but the Supreme Court is wrong on redefining ‘marriage’ so we’re not issuing any marriage licenses in protest.”

The above scenarios are past stupid and treading into ridiculous.  A fireman would just put out the fire, we all know this, because it’s a fireman’s job.  But when you tread into religious territory, or unmitigated threats, real or perceived by a social group, you’ve got a hard, uphill battle to fight. In the immortal words of Frankie Goes To Hollywood, “Relax.”  I’ve got common sense answers to all your sensitivity issues.

First, we should love one another.  Because we love one another, we should be sensitive to one another’s concerns, and not allow one social group to walk all over another social group.  We only win when we all win together.  Second, I’ve got bills to pay, so pay me for my common sense, sensitivity, and thoughtfulness.  Send those checks right on in.  My bunker electricity, plumbing and heating, and my food cravings, aren’t as cheap as you might think.

There is a demonstrable threat having a guy in a girls restroom, or vice …versa.  I want the poor transgender person to realize that as long as he has presumably functional guy-equipment, the girls are going to see him as a guy, a threat to their privacy as girls, and as a potential physical threat while they are handling their private …business.  If the ladies are uncomfortable, and the kid feels uncomfortable using the boys room, maybe that kid needs his own bathroom time, perhaps in a staff bathroom if there are no other facilities available.  It’s common sense and common courtesy, on the child’s part, to not presume the right to barge in on ladies who were born ladies, and use their restroom.  He should understand and be aware of and sensitive to  the obvious facts, and just pretend to be just like one of the guys and go in the guys room.  It’s one stall or another, the stalls are the same architecture, design and purpose, just different paint in a different room.  But special accommodations need to be offered if he can’t just use the boys’ room like he should, just like a child with a handicap or a learning disability needs special accommodation.  Because I’m not sending a child outside to use the nearest tree or forcing them to hold it in for 8 hours.  If I were a plumber I’d offer to install extra commodes, build dividing walls and knock out and install a new doorway in your school hallway for anyone who doesn’t fit, or doesn’t feel like they fit, the stereotypical “normal” gender set.  And take all the money.

I’m a progressive-thinking theological conservative, really, no matter what you may think.  I actually believe what the Bible says, Old Testament, New Testament, with nothing in between, before, or since.  My interpretation does probably make most conservatives cringe with simultaneous thoughts of “damn, he’s right,” and “I can’t even…,”  and make most liberals scared to death of me because I’m too conservative for their liking.  But what’s happening is stupid.

I disagree with the Supreme Court’s thin majority ruling on issuing “‘Marriage’ Licenses,” but it’s not what you think.  I believe they should issue “Civil Union Certificates,” to anyone who asks for one.  “Marriage” to me is a thing you do at a church, for religious reasons.  But if you want to register yourselves as a cohabiting, mutually supporting couple, for tax purposes and government benefits, you should get a “Civil Union Certificate,” from the court.  Which means anyone should be able to go to the courthouse and register themselves without any protest, regardless of gender specificity or confusion.

Registering a marriage, which is a religious, or church, thing, in a court, which is a government thing, is clearly a violation of separation of church and state.  This means, if you’re married in a church they should hand you a certificate recognizing your marriage by their institution.  And it means if you register as cohabiting people, for government benefits and recognition, they should hand you a certificate recognizing your cohabitation by the government.  They should be separate.

If I were a baker, I’d take all the money I could get and make the best damn cake you ever tasted and I don’t care if you put two tuxes, two dresses, one of each, you and your frog, or you and your computer, on that.  I’m in a public business to make money and provide a product.  I may not be comfortable putting your toppers on for you (especially the frog, Miss Piggy, because I am a conservative and I don’t think he’s really all that into you), but you’re free to buy those from me and put those on your cake, and put any ones on that you want.  I don’t even care if you want to buy three or four or twelve toppers from me, I’ll collect that money and not worry about your “daisy chains,” or alphabet soup, or whatever you call your arrangement, because I don’t give a flying fuck what you do as a consenting adult with another consenting adult or group of adults.

Or farm animal(s).  Sure, you can register that civil union in the courts between you and your cow.  Why the fuck not?  I’ll sell you a couple of moootiful cake topper for that one, and I’ll deliver it to the meadow so you can top it and celebrate.  I’d even make an alfalfa and hay side for the bride and her family, and that’s no bull.  I might even guernsey (go-and-see, not as funny since I felt the need to spell that one out) that ceremony, just because I’m cow-rious.  But please don’t make the church give you a moo-riage certificate.  They don’t make those.  Yet.


9 thoughts on “Guernseys, Gender Sensitivity, Profit, & Clear Separation of Church And State

    1. You’re married if you say you are. I’m just saying there should be separation between registering with the government, which anyone should be able to do, and religious registration, which, if you want a “wedding,” and can find a church that’ll do it, is fine too. That ends the court’s and the gov’ts meddling in our lives more than they should. We’ve got a clerk who doesn’t want to issue marriage licenses and I’m presenting an alternative that gets the gov’t out of the church and the church out of the gov’t.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. There’s a bit of morning brain fog, and I think I see your point. It’s a religious one right? I think what you’re saying is that marriage only happens in a church.

        (“Marriage” to me is a thing you do at a church, for religious reasons. But if you want to register yourselves as a cohabiting, mutually supporting couple, for tax purposes and government benefits, you should get a “Civil Union Certificate,” from the court.)

        I think this is part of the problem. They want to redefine what ‘marriage’ means. I think it’s problematic to say that gay folks don’t get to be “married” because that’s only something that people do in church, because clearly people don’t only get married in a church (like me). Either way you want to define it, marriage essentially means the same for heterosexual and homosexual and everything in between – in terms of why people want to build a life together.

        Maybe governments should screen their employees and only choose the ones that are not likely to violate human rights.

        Liked by 1 person

    2. I’m looking through old stuff I wrote to find something, but I ran across your sweet post and thought about polyamory/bigamy because I still love you although I haven’t been maniacally stalking you for a season. But your sweet husband would prefer me to just admire you from afar; for now I’ll respect his wishes. I’ve still never been to Canada but we went to Niagara Falls for a week late this summer. Without passports. Sigh.


  1. The best toilet that I ever saw was in wonderful Berlin’s Train Station: a nice, large, well-lit and clean public toilet that was unisex. Men and women, however they were born, would queue up and have access to a stall, there was no separation whatsover. Because let’s face it: you do what you need to do in the private stall, then you come out and all you’re doing is washing hands!! There was, just on the side, a couple of booths that were women only (and perhaps men only? I didn’t see those) for those who felt there was something else deeply wrong about it. I thought that was the pinnacle of civilised choice. By comparison, in London, they are thinking of bringing back separate train compartments for males and females, on late night trains, because women have denounced feeling or being harassed by drunken men. So I’m not sure what you’d have to do, if, say, you are a gay man. I guess sit in the male compartment and just deal with the harassment cause, I don’t know, you can? It doesn’t make any sense, the world is so tough for non clear-cut gendered people.
    Anyway, in my book, Berlin beats London 15 to zero.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I mean what if you’re not even gay, but just a very shy-looking, clumsy-looking young man. Do you not get to rid in the “protected” compartment?? Why? Sometimes I think Feminists in England are worse than what they’re fighting for. And I can say that, ’cause I’m a woman. Bloody hell.
      Sorry, I get rambly in the morning.
      As for the marriage certificate, the clerk is surely contravening the law? (I am asking because I only read the headlines of this thing, so sorry, I don’t know much about it). So it’s a no-brainer, he can’t refuse to hand over a marriage certificate, can he?


  2. most US high schools aren’t built with that kind of accommodation in mind. they herd the cattle…I mean children- from class to class and give them 7 minutes to navigate and handle their business in between, in large, gender specific restrooms with a few stalls in the back. Setting it up how it should be set up would require a major redesign for most schools. Even with all the anti bullying trends there are still pockets of ass holes here and there, and this transgender kid is probably their unfortunate victim. I’m surprised they have time to bully, but I know from personal experience they make time. As for the privacy and I’d say almost sacred, nature of the ladies room, even though I was seriously bullied as a child, I didn’t want access to different bathrooms, especially the girl’s room, to avoid the boys.

    And yes, the clerk is clearly in violation of the law and should have stepped out of the way once she realized doing the job according to the new law was contrary to her strict beliefs. I say, register people and let them do what they want within the law. We don’t want any back-alley, dangerous, forbidden wedding ceremonies, now, do we?


  3. I have never understood how they can with straight faces declare a separation of church and state in the U.S. yet our money says “in god we trust” and we must swear on a Bible in court. Almost seems to violate one’s so called rights to religious freedom because we can’t shun the currency if we want to eat and we’ll go to jail if we don’t agree to swear on a bible.
    Most of the time, I’d be content to live in a cave with my kid and cats and bypass all this hot button religious/politics stuff. It makes no sense to me.

    Liked by 1 person

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