I Want Frosted Oatmeal Raisin Cookies and Milk for Lunch

This goes in the category “weird food cravings.”  I’ll randomly crave things that are not appropriate.  I think I single-handedly started the “breakfast available all day” fad where restaurants serve salmonella and e. coli laced gravy with their sausage and biscuits because I order it in the late evening and they don’t heat it quite enough to kill all the bacteria in it from the chef not washing his hands and sneezing at 10:30 AM.  If I had done that any time in the last 2 weeks it might explain why my stomach started randomly hurting and cramping at irregular intervals for the past two weeks, but no.  My stomach just randomly decided it wants to hurt and cramp.  Thank God the rest of my digestion is clockwork.  And maybe it’s because of what I crave.  I’m practically a slave to foods I crave.  Must.  Have.  Frosted oatmeal cookies and milk.  I want the soft oatmeal cookies. mmm.

That whole food poisoning thing only happened to me once.  After that I was shy about ordering random, oddly-timed foods from greasy spoon “restaurants.”  Places that specialize in breakfast foods and serve them all day are usually ok, but then I’ve moved far away from that place that once gave me symptoms I sha’n’t describe in pleasant (or present) company.  It wasn’t good, the whole digestive process appeared to suddenly reverse, and then, just as bad, reverse again, both at high velocity.

It’s better than my initial craving.  Around brunch I craved Taco Bell, but being stuck in my office I couldn’t go out for that delicacy-of-dubious-origin.  Normally I think I crave normal things, like fried chicken or Belgian waffles with maple syrup, or late at night it’s peanut butter or toast or instant mashed potatoes.  Or maybe that second helping of left-overs I didn’t really want at supper.

But I really love breakfast.  Just not at the ass-crack of dawn.  Let me wake up, slowly, get things done, get a little hungry, and then decide what I want, and fairly often I dream big.  My idea of breakfast, after I get hungry, doesn’t fit on one plate.  And then, when all is said and done, I eat small.  It’s coffee, maybe a breakfast bar.  Or just coffee.  Sucks to be on a ramen budget with steak and potatoes, scrambles, pancakes and a screwdriver on the mental menu.  But thank God, I like ramen noodles.

When I get home tonight, maybe we’ll have breakfast.  Oatmeal cookies are made from oatmeal… That’s “breakfast,” right?


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