Love for Sale or Lease

“Love for Sale or Lease.”

I could make a mad fortune selling love, apparently.  Or something like love.

I wonder how much the email people make for the little sidebar advertisements and emails they convey to us, whether married or single, committed, considering, or indifferent.  I don’t have any idea how much it costs to be listed in the singles advertisements, or to go to a computer dating service.  But apparently there’s big money in that.  I get the stupid drug emails even though I never asked for any help in that department.  I also get the stupid singles emails.  I send them back as spam.  But I also get the email connected advertisements on the sidebars, that there’s no way to avoid, offering up the older single ladies as if I were available.

I’ve never had delusions of grandeur big enough to do anything on a large scale.  I couldn’t imagine running a computer dating service.  I couldn’t even imagine running a singles group at a church or social club, or worse, anything like a speed dating service.  I think it would be fun, I just don’t have the skill set.

But the MONEY.  I could collect from singles coming and going.  Registration fees.  Monthly membership fees, whether they actually hook up or not.  I could do it I guess.  It would be highly profitable I guess.

I like keeping things simple, though, and running a dating service does seem pretty complicated.   For a really short time I’ve considered keeping it very simple, and that would mean just farming myself out.  Now THAT is genius.  Schedule one or two dates per night.  Whomever I’m dating pays for the meal, any event, any admission fees, AND for my companionship by the hour.  I get to go wherever my date wants to go, eat whatever I want, I get paid an hourly rate. It would be completely reputable- no sex or strings or commitments or attachment, just pleasant conversation.  All I need is a specific client-set:  lonely aging cat ladies who love going to the symphony and the steak house and have money coming out of their ears, who just want a safe guy to talk to.  I listen very well.

But no, the wife probably wouldn’t like that.

So I’d be limited if I wanted to incorporate.  Just me, coordinating setting up the local singles to talk to each other, and them, dating like frustrated rabbits or something.  It could work, and the money would be great.  The only thing I can’t figure out is how to limit the word count on the disclaimer:

Not responsible for any misleading or inaccurate data submitted by potential suitors.  Not responsible for psychological profiling.  Not responsible for any costs incurred or issues encountered during or after dating.  Not responsible for social awkwardness, pathetic losers, momma’s boys, controlling, manipulative psychopaths, stalkers, prison escapees, murderers, rapists, narcissists, compulsive liars, or feelings or acts of desperation.  Not responsible for anything else either, just send me your money and your profile data.  Thank you, and good luck.

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4 thoughts on “Love for Sale or Lease

  1. If temptation is a slow slide they started too drastically for me and now they’re trying to back pedal. Like a person who needs info and threatens to kill me (see Dr Who, Deep Breath), and then realizing I’m not budging threatens torture. These morons started with the drug advertisements and I don’t need drugs. Then they started with the singles ads and I’m married. Now they’re backpedaling to advertising sexy dresses which I don’t wear and my wife wouldn’t buy, in curvy women’s bodies and I don’t care about any of it. But I do wonder what’s next down the backpedaling trail.

    If they can get me a real date with somebody interesting that might actually tempt me, like say, Hayley Atwell, it could work. But please, start with offering me a television show with her as my co-star. And then back pedal to just a date.

    Like

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