“I know when to go out. I know when to stay in. It gets things done.”~David Bowie, Modern Love
I’ve got nothing really to add to my recent posts, except to say I could say I’m a traditionalist, I “don’t believe in Modern Love.” There’s nothing modern about any of it, anyway, because no matter what you do or what you choose, traditional, alternative, whatever, it’s all been around for a long time. Really there’s been no change since the writer of Ecclesiastes said “there is nothing new under the sun.” Or before. It’s all old news, folks. Everything’s been done before. And we have millenia of results proving what works and what doesn’t. And still we try.
Bowie says modern love “puts my trust in God and man” and then just as quickly Bowie states he doesn’t trust either. “no confession (man), no religion (man inventing God), … never gonna fall for modern love.” Me either. There’s no such thing as “modern,” which I guess means there’s no such thing as “traditional.” Which means, I don’t exist. ::Deon disappears in a puff of logic:: Fuck me!
The news trumpets the shit about celebrities, and I could give a rats ass. It doesn’t have any impact on my life. They marry and divorce and remarry like some people change bed linens. Wash and wear, baby. To which I kind of have a vomit reflex. It isn’t a challenge to get a divorce. It’s a challenge to stay married and faithful. It means the following is entirely too true:
This is true of “modern” love just as it is true of “religion.”
I’m contemplating my own relationship and read about something I always thought was wonky as a child: Kermit and Miss Piggy are US icons, muppets created by Jim Henson. They are in a relationship, and it’s complicated. And apparently, they’re splitting up. There are a number of weird things about this. First, Miss Piggy is a puppet pig who’s infatuated with a puppet frog. Second, the frog was bullied into the relationship, which speaks to spousal abuse. And third, getting past the fact that they’re both puppets, Sus scofa (generic porcine genus and species) can’t mate successfully with Pelophylax lessonae (Kermit’s actual, specific genus and species). It’s funny to imagine their “rainbow connection.” Or perverse. Probably more perverse. But according to Muppet tradition, if there is such a thing, “someday we’ll find it:”
Modern love. Some more perverse individuals have tried everything, including cross-species relationships. Kermit and Piggy are only whatever the puppeteers imagine they are. If we’ve learned anything from sci-fi movies, splicing DNA deliberately doesn’t lead to good things, Seth Brundle. What are we cooking up here, Doctor Moreau? Pogs? Frigs? We only get superheros from lab accidents and nuclear blasts. When will pig and frog DNA combining result in flying pigs? When pigs fly. But frogs don’t fly, they jump, so it’s not going to happen here. It doesn’t work.
They never really got along. Piggy was always a bully who would pork-chop anyone who got in her way. I reflected on how much my own relationship is like that. Who’s a bully? I don’t go around demanding what I want, that’s for sure. If I did, I’d be a happier husband if she gave me what I wanted, and I’d probably be clueless as to the emotional damage I would potentially be doing to her poor submissive psyche. Instead, I’m aware, and I ask nicely (and do not receive, contrary to biblical axioms, ::sarcasm:: Thank you, Jesus.) Still, I’m in a depressive phase so let’s not do anything drastic right now, shall we? Fuck everything, I don’t even believe in traditional love right now, because, let’s be honest, how’s that working out for you right now, Deon?
Anyway, the “celebrity gossip” has it that Kermit and Piggy are breaking up after something like 30 years. Sounds like a publicity stunt, after all they have a new project about to be released. Of course the puppeteers and everyone else are in denial about that, and say some crap about the two parting amicably and expecting to work together in the future. It’s how they play it in Hollyweird. Amphibeans and Suids, what’ll they think of next to make money? Hominids and almost anything else have already been tried. Occasionally, even a man and a woman hook up successfully, at least for a while. My parents and my in-laws are still at it, squabbles and all, so why should my relationship be any different? Because “there is nothing new under the sun.” Unless you believe in the mythological “Rainbow Connection.” Or “Modern Love.”