I’m doing the introspection thing and I’ve made several observations.
I like vampire movies. The whole gothic mysterious thing. The erotic component when the vampire stalks a favored person, charms them despite their terror, and turns them, preferably by the victim’s choice. I courted a beautiful lady for years before she decided it was she who chose me.
I love the thrill of the hunt, when I’m about to win and I know I’ve already won and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. I love wealth, but I’m in debt. Given enough time I could pay it all off and actually get ahead in life. I could be rich, it would just take immortality. Bring THAT on.
I like night better than day. It’s quiet, I can do what I want, I don’t have the compulsion to work to earn a living or some other shit. I can do things at my pace. Or not do them. Dishes frequently wait until the dark of night to find their way into a hot sudsy sink, don’t tell ANYONE I wash the dishes or so help me, I’ll bite you. I could stay up until 3 AM every night and be quite happy, if I didn’t have to have this crazy day job to pay bills with.
I love the full moon, in fact I love looking at the moon as it fluctuates through all of its’ phases. It was full last night, or close to it, and it was so beautiful I made sure my wife had observed it in our night sky. I wanted to fly away with her to somewhere quiet, romantic and dimly lit, for dinner. I do fancy a nice medium-rare-to-medium cut of meat. and a nice burgundy beverage. And she likes hers mighty rare.
I like t.v. shows where the hero has a dark edge, like Dexter. Sure, he’s a serial killer, but he only kills bad people who would otherwise continue to do bad things. My conscience says the innocents of the world should be safe, but evil people should stop being evil, or be dead. But I’m evil, therefore… never mind, the logic is making my head spin.
Jesus himself taught the following cryptic instruction:
John 6:48 I am that bread of life. 49 Your fathers did eat manna in the wilderness, and are dead. 50 This is the bread which cometh down from heaven, that a man may eat thereof, and not die. 51 I am the living bread which came down from heaven: if any man eat of this bread, he shall live for ever: and the bread that I will give is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world. 52 The Jews therefore strove among themselves, saying, How can this man give us his flesh to eat? 53 Then Jesus said unto them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except ye eat the flesh of the Son of man, and drink his blood, ye have no life in you. 54 Whoso eateth my flesh, and drinketh my blood, hath eternal life; and I will raise him up at the last day. 55 For my flesh is meat indeed, and my blood is drink indeed. 56 He that eateth my flesh, and drinketh my blood, dwelleth in me, and I in him. 57 As the living Father hath sent me, and I live by the Father: so he that eateth me, even he shall live by me. 58 This is that bread which came down from heaven: not as your fathers did eat manna, and are dead: he that eateth of this bread shall live for ever.
I like sleeping in, on bright sunny days just as much as I like sleeping in on dingy, cloudy, rainy days. And Mondays. The sun hurts my eyes but I hate sunglasses.
I want to get up after a great long rest, eat a late breakfast and then go about my business. And I want my business to be what I want to do, not what everybody expects me to do, like go to work, mow the grass, do the dishes (shhh!), take out the trash, and fix the breaking edges of my world the best I can. I want my business to be writing checks for other people to fix those damned things. I want my business to be romancing my wife, and to be being wealthy enough to do it right. I also want to be hospitable to guests, until and unless they offend me, and then I want them gone.
My eyes are sometimes bloodshot, usually after a night of revelry and an inadequate resting interval. Or perhaps there is a more sinister reason… Did I mention I’m really more of a night person?
I’ve therefore decided that I should just be a vampire, my calling and purpose in life. I mean death. I mean, somewhere in between.