If you follow me you know I’m occasionally about 4 years old. Or I have that 4 year old sense of humor. Watch this, like a 4 year old. “Pull the lever, Kronk!” Honestly, it’s fun to watch. Watching doesn’t bother me a bit. But being on the platform when Kronk or whoever, pulls the damn lever, not so much.
I’m trying to be more self-aware, and if I’m aware I know I’m not on the high side of the mood swing any more. I’m either just starting on that slow slide or I’m in free fall and blissfully unaware of the swiftly approaching landing. I just feel like I’m probably on the downward spiral. Anybody got a parachute? Nahh nevermind, let’s get it over with.
The ‘gators don’t scare me. They’re like old friends, or maybe pets or something. But the biting… bites.
I am not amused by being jostled from side to side or the feeling of vertigo of racing down to the bottom of the pit of certain death on roller coasters. The last one I went on in real life, my son and I both swore NEVER to do that AGAIN. BLEAAHHH. Hated it worse than pulling my wisdom teeth. If I had eaten anything, I would have lost that somewhere around turn 4. And I do NOT put my hands up, Kronk (smacks Kronk soundly), you big, beautiful dummy.
At the bottom of the thing I am NOT stoked to high five my lab assistant. Ever. At the bottom of the thing I have to climb out of the gator’s mouth and begin my slow climb back to the mild mania. At least, thinking positively, mine’s never a horrible hopeless it’s-the-end-of-the-world-fuck-it-all-I’m-done depression. It’s more a feeling of malaise, life sucks, go the hell away, “thought I told you to fuck off” “fuckity bye,” after which I might shell over and retreat from as much as possible of the things I hate about life and drag myself just enough out from under my rock every day to do what I absolutely have to do to survive and maybe one fun thing to try to break the monotony of feeling useless and worthless and used.
Maybe it’d help if Kronker cooked me up something special.
What’s your favorite I’m-Fucking-Depressed-Again-Comfort-Food?