Notes to the E-universe

I understand electronics are an important business and personal tool.  However, as my job depends on electronics, and as I use electronics at home, I have a few notes to the E-universe “gods” at large (and one for the demons) :

1) Just understand that I am not going to worship you.  I’m probably going to hate you.  I’ve heard a person say, out loud, that computers are from the devil.  That statement was made more than 20 years ago, and that person hasn’t changed their opinion of electronics and computerized devices, including computers and video games.  Technology is an inanimate tool, not a living god.  Your program is only as perfect as your programmer, and your programmer is not perfect.  I won’t worship the doctor or his medicine, so in a similar way I’m not going to worship a program or its’ programmer, a technology or its’ technician.  I might switch to someone else, so if you please, be nice to me.  The old movie, “Tron,” had it right, and I’m the USER.  Think on this.  Selah.
2) Please cease and desist in requesting or insisting that I change my passwords every other week.  Or twice in one day.
3) Please cease and desist in automatically logging me off and insisting that I log back in.  Let ME let you know when I’m done working here.  Trust me, I’ll let you know.  If I’m at work, I should be able to do my work, without logging back in every 10 minutes.  Logging in is time consuming if repeated again, and again, and again.
4) Please let me pick my own password.  I’ll choose something complicated enough for me to remember  it and try to avoid the hackers.  I’ll take my chances.  If I’m at work, those firewalls should suffice, and if they don’t maybe you need a new team for your IT Techies.    It won’t be 1-7-3-4-6-7-3-2-1-4-7-6-Charlie-3-2-7-8-9-7-7-7-6-4-3-Tango-7-3-2-Victor-7-3-1-1-7-8-8-8-7-3-2-4-7-6-7-8-9-7-6-4-3-7-6, (thank you Star Trek’s “Data”), but it will be complicated enough.
5) Keep it simple.  If there’s a process flow I need to follow, please have that in detail in writing so I don’t have to guess or call someone who has to call someone to figure it out.  I like to read manuals if they’re written simple enough.  Make the processes as simple as possible.  Don’t treat me like an idiot, but don’t just presume I know.  And make it easy to find, or expect I’ll like you less.
6) Please refrain from implanting cookies or other unnecessary files designed to track my activity, it’s none of your business.  If I want you to know I’m interested in you and your website, I’ll let you know by filling out a survey, or by buying something.  I do those surveys frequently, whether I’m happy or sad about the service.  I’ll let you know.  Don’t be a creepy stalker.
7) Please refrain from invading my privacy by sending me emails I didn’t request.  If I’m interested in your products or services which require payment, I will find them, and I will order them.
8) Don’t design shitty systems that are going to be obsolete, or that you decide to stop supporting, while I’m still using them.  I’m not made of money, you fucking pirates.  If the system still functions with existing computer technology it should be against the law to require additional purchases, or switch entire operating systems, to continue using the system or the device I already paid for once.  You fucking pirates.
9) DO design good systems that you improve and upgrade over time and as computer processors improve.  I’ll appreciate it.  And please go faster, I don’t have all day to sit and wait while hourglasses and rings spin on my screens.  Note: cookies and other files slow me down and piss me off.  Don’t.  Just don’t.
10) And to all you hackers out there, may the real God, or the real devil, or both, infest your computers with your own virus in a format that cannot be removed, and your genitals with nerve-searing spider toxins, flesh eating viruses, worms, and lest I forget, Dermestes maculatus. (Those are flesh-eating beetles, but if you’re a truly geeky hacker, you already should know that.)  You’re a fucking ass hole loose on the world, and inasmuch as you’re a pox on the e-community, I hope you fall ungracefully, but with beautiful poetic justice, into your own bear trap.  If you’ve spent enough time to learn to be a hacker, you’re likely a virgin anyway, and I think it best if you stay that way and remove yourself from the gene pool.


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